The Visitor

'What is your name?' said the Wise One from his dark throne in the shadowy corner of his cave.
'My name,' said the weary traveller, 'is Soneep E. Yesswon.'
'And why have you come to me?' said the Wise One.
'I have travelled these lands for more years than I care to remember,' said the traveller; 'in search of answers to questions that have plagued my soul; in search of solutions to riddles that have haunted me; in search of-'
'Cut to the chase, mate,' said the Wise One; 'Eastenders is on in a minute.'
'I need your help,' said Yesswon, 'in a matter of revenge.'
'Revenge?'
'Revenge.'
'Go on...'
'I used to be like you,' said Yesswon.
The Wise One gave him a look (which Yesswon didn't see, on account of the shadows'n'stuff).
'I used to be,' continued Yesswon, 'respected and revered amongst fellow members of my clan. I used to be the one to whom all came for enlightenment. I used to be-'
'Tick tock,' said the Wise One.
'Then my brother, Soneep E. Yesstoo, came along, and now everyone loves him and I hate him and I want him dead.'
'Dead?'
'As a doorknob.'
'Step closer, young one,' said the Wise One; 'let me take a look at you.'
Yesswon did so. Then he felt a searing pain in his chest. He looked down. He put his hand there. It was wet. And red.
'I am also from your clan,' said the Wise One, as he stood up from his dark throne. 'Did you know your parents had another child while you were away?'
'No, I...' - Yesswon felt the world swimming around him... he fell to his knees, clutching his chest in pain.
'A child by the name of "Yessthree - Soneep E. Yessthree.'
'You...'
The Wise One stepped out of the shadows. The smoking gun dangled by his side. Yesswon looked at his face and felt like he was looking into a mirror - only one which made him look fitter, stronger, younger, more handsome... and far, far more powerful.'
'Yes,' said the Wise One; 'I am that child.'
'No-o-o!' said Yesswon.
'I said "I am, didn't I?' said Yessthree, as he raised his gun and pointed it at Yesswon's head. 'And this' - he pulled the trigger - 'is the sound of progress.'
Soneep E. Yessthree holstered the gun, as the bloody mess that was Soneep E. Yesswon collapsed before him. He picked up the remote control on the table beside the throne. He switched on the TV. Peggy Mitchell was ranting to someone about the importance of family or somesuch.
'Bugger,' said the Wise One, as he sat back down on his throne; 'I hate it when I miss the first few minutes!'

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