Bring Out Your Dead - Part 25

Contined from Part 24

Chantelle heaved a sigh of relief as the bright yellow van with the floral motifs pulled up outside the hotel bar.  It had been quite a while since Josiah and Archibald had left to deal with the coffin and she had begun to wonder if they had experienced a change of heart and decided to go on without her.  Seeing them climb out of the van, looking somewhat dishevelled she noted, meant that her plan, such as it was, could still work.

"Hello boys!" She chirruped, "I thought you'd run off without me for a minute"

"Please accept my profound apologies for the delay, dear lady.  I regret that the late Sir Lewisham's coffin and remains proved to be a little…"  Josiah grasped for the right word.

"He was dead heavy, for a stiff" Archibald supplied.

"My colleague has summed the situation up with his usual flare for the vernacular" Josiah sighed as he eased himself into a seat at Chantelle's table.

"You're looking tired, Mr. Oakshott" Chantelle observed.

"I must admit to feeling a little fatigued.  It has been a demanding few days and the prospect of an overnight drive to Bilbao does not fill me with unrelieved joy"

"I can help out with the driving, Mr. O." Archibald volunteered.

"I think not, Archibald" Josiah shook his head, firmly, "My colleague has a somewhat…robust approach to driving which has been rather exacerbated by the complexities of driving, as he puts it, on the wrong side of the road" He explained.

"Everything's in the wrong place!" Archibald said, gloomily.

"Perhaps I could share some of the driving?  I've driven all sorts of things in my time, I'm sure I could handle that" Chantelle nodded toward the bright yellow van.

"That is enormously kind of you, Miss Lace, but I had assumed you would be following in your sports car?"

"I can find somewhere to stash that for a while, don't you worry.  It could be fun, the three of us in the van" She beamed at her two companions, one of whom looked dubious whilst the other looked as if he was trying to unknot a difficult philosophical conundrum.  Eventually, light dawned,

"You're coming with us?"  Archibald asked.

"That is the proposition Miss Lace has advanced.  Whilst I would prefer not to call further upon your undoubted good nature, my dear, I must admit that it would solve a tricky problem.  Are you sure you can manage without your own vehicle?  How will you proceed when we disembark at Portsmouth?"

"Don't you worry about me, Mr. Oakshott.  I'm a resourceful girl.  I'll get by" And I'll be able to keep a close eye on that coffin and its contents, she thought.

******

"Now what's happening?"  D.I. Wood had been tapping his fingers on the steering wheel for some minutes, much to the annoyance of D.S. Stone who had been tasked with watching the hotel bar with his toy binoculars.

"I'm not sure.  They've brought the van round and now they're having a conflab in the bar"

"I wish I knew what they were saying" D.I. Wood said, wistfully.

"Would you like me to go back to the Gift Shop and see if they've got a My Little Pony Acoustic Listening Device?"

"They don't have those, do they?" D.I. Wood noticed the look on his colleague's face, "No, right"

"Looks like they're making a move, sir.  Chantelle's driving off in her sporty number but the other two seem to be dithering about around the van.  Do we follow her, or what?"

"No, stick with the two in the van.  We stand a better chance of hanging on to them, and you can't really miss something like that on the road, can you?"

There was a long pause, broken only by D.I. Wood's erratic percussion on the wheel.

"Well, that's a turn up!" D.S. Stone announced, "She's back, but she's on foot"

"Let me have a gander" D.I. Wood grabbed the pink binoculars from his subordinate, just in time to enjoy Chantelle sashaying toward the bar. "Hmm, interesting"

"On many levels, I would imagine" D.S. Stone remarked, sourly.

"Now, now, sunshine, let's keep it professional." D.I. Wood adjusted the binoculars, "looks like she's getting in the van with them.  That could make our job a lot easier"

"Three birds with one stone?"  D.S. Stone smirked

"Give me strength! Get the motor started, it's 'game on' Stoney"

******

"I'll take the first shift, if you have no objection Miss Lace?"

"Not at all, Mr. Oakshott.  I can keep Archie here, company" Chantelle beamed at Archibald, who gulped.

"Are we all ready?" Josiah looked at his two companions.

"Let's do it" Chantelle agreed.

"We're all going on a sum…" Archibald began to sing, before a look from Josiah stopped him in his tracks.

Chantelle cast a glance over her shoulder at the coffin roped and sheeted in the back of the van.  She knew Frankie was in there but alive or dead, that was another question.  What she did need to find out was where Frankie was going to finish up and in what state?  All she could do was hang in there and see where the journey led.  She'd had some odd trips in her time, but this one looked like taking the biscuit.