Goat-Getting

India was trying to settle down for an afternoon nap but, every time that she found a good position, she also found some random part of Rohan’s anatomy invading her space.  At that moment, she had his back paw wedged in her ear.

“Rohan!”  No answer, so, somewhat more sharply, “ROHAN!”

“Wha?”

“You’re in my space, you need to move, you great lump!”

“Am not” Rohan grunted, sleepily.

“Are so!” India snapped, “you need to move”

“You move” Rohan suggested.

“Don’t be so cheeky!  Now come on, shuffle over to the other end”

“Oh, all right” There was a good deal of huffing and puffing and half-hearted shuffling.

“Is that it?” India asked, one eyebrow raised.

“Wha?”

“Is that as far as you’re going to move?”

“Yeth” Rohan confirmed and started to snore.

“Rohan!”  No answer, except rhythmic snoring, “ROHAN!”

“Wha now?” Rohan yelped.

“Don’t you ‘What now?’ me, young man!  I’ve asked you, politely, to move so that I can settle down comfortably, and all I’ve had is cheek”

“I moved” Rohan stated, grumpily.

“You did not!  You just shuffled around a bit.”  India shook her head, “If anything, I’ve got less room now than when I first told you to move.  I’ll be glad when mum gets my old crate back”

“Wha’ ol’ crate?” Rohan asked, sleepily.

“The one I used to share with Packham.  At least there was room in there for two grown-up dogs.  You’re getting too big for this one, which is why I keep getting your paw in my ear!”

There was some muffled giggling.

“Are you going to move or do I have to make you?”

The snoring recommenced.

“Oh, for goodness’ sake!  You get my goat, you do!” India grumbled.

Rohan snapped awake and looked up at India, “Which one?” He asked.

“Which one what?” India looked at him with a baffled expression.

“Which goat is yourth and when can I have it?”

“No, it doesn’t mean that!  It’s just an expression.  It means you irritate me” India scowled, “why would you want a goat, anyway?”

“Dunno” Rohan admitted, “not even thure which oneth are goatth”

“Right, well you can come with me then.  It’s time you were educated” India started to make her way out of the crate.

“Don’t want to be edgy-gated” Rohan muttered, surlily.

“You’ll come along with me, right now, young man!” India snapped, “or else…”

There was no movement from the golden Labrador Retriever currently occupying more than half of the crate.

“ROHAN!”

“Oh for heaventh thake!”  Rohan shook himself and, very reluctantly, plodded out to join India.

The two dogs pottered out of the kitchen and across the yard, scattering hens and ducks in all directions.  At the far end of the yard was a long stretch of field, newly fenced to keep in the sheep and goats who grazed there.

“Now, the sheep are the fluffy ones that mostly eat grass” India explained, “the goats are a bit bigger, not fluffy and eat just about everything else”

Rohan sat and watched the animals beyond the fence.  The two sheep stared back, blankly, as sheep do.  The goats seemed to be everywhere, even though there were only three of them.  Two were playing ‘King of the Castle’ on a pile of wood, taking it in turns to knock the other off, whilst another one was teetering on its hind legs and trying desperately to reach the leaves of a branch just above its head.  Having failed in this attempt, he wandered over to the gate to see the dogs.

“Nah then, India” Seth the goat nodded to her, chewing a bit of straw.

“Hello Seth” India grinned, “I’d like you to meet my assistant”

“‘Appen?” Seth looked at the young dog quizzically, “Nah then, young ‘un, how ist tha?”

“What did he thay?” Rohan asked India.

“He said ‘hello’ and asked how you are” India whispered.

“Oh, right!” Rohan nodded, “Hello Theth, I’m very well thank you!”

“What did ‘e call me?” Seth asked.

“It’s your name” India explained, “it’s a bit…tricky for him.  Rohan here needs to learn about the animals on the farm, particularly you goats”

“Oh aye?  Right enough!  Well, I’m Seth, this ‘un ‘ere’s Popcorn” He nodded toward the goat who had just lost control of the wood pile, “and this ‘un is Snowy” The other two goats joined Seth by the gate and stared intently at Rohan and India.

“I’m Rohan” Rohan announced, wagging his tail.

“Aye, ‘appen” Seth nodded, still chewing, “wha’s one of them when it’s at ‘ome then?”

Rohan looked at India in puzzlement.

“He means he’s never heard your name before, so he doesn’t know what it means” India whispered to Rohan.

“Oh, ok!” Rohan turned to the goats, “Rohan meanth ‘keeper of wolveth’” he said, proudly.

“Nay, gerraway!” Seth shook his head.

“It doeth!” Rohan insisted, “thatth what I’m here to do”

Seth chuckled loud and long, Snowy and Popcorn had to prop each other up they were laughing so much.

“‘E’s a caution this ‘un an’ no mistake” Seth said eventually, still chuckling, “ist yon pup yorn then, India?”

“Er no.” India shook her head, violently, “he came here to replace Packham” She explained.

“Aye, t’were a pity about Packham” Seth nodded, “’e were a good ‘un were Packham”

“I still miss him” India admitted, “sometimes…sometimes I think I can hear him about the house” she said, sadly.

“’Appen ‘e’s never far away” Seth said, kindly, “them we love, they never are”

“And you’ve got me!” Rohan said, brightly.

“Yes” India agreed, without a great deal of enthusiasm, “anyway, now you know what goats are, where they are and what they’re called”

“What do they eat?” Rohan asked.

“What you got?” Seth responded.

“Me?  I haven’t got anything”

“Pity” Seth shook his head, mournfully, “’cause we ain’t fussy tha’ knows.  You name it, we’ll eat it, or we’ll ‘ave a damn good try.  Like that collar o’ yorn, I reckon there’s some good eatin’ on that”

Rohan, and his new leather collar, backed slowly away from the gate as the goats got ever closer, even to the point of poking their heads through.

“India!” Rohan yelped, “they’re after my new collar”

“I think we’d better be getting back” India said, hurriedly, “nice talking to you, Seth”

“Aye, an’ thee India” Seth nodded, “mind ‘ow thee goes.  Come back any time.  Thee can bring ‘im an all, if tha wants…’im an’ ‘is tasty collar” All three goats licked their lips in anticipation.

“Thanks Seth.  Bye Snowy, Popcorn” India turned and trotted back to the kitchen.  Rohan followed, in hot pursuit, turning to look back from time to time at the goats who were still staring through the gate.

Once inside the kitchen, Rohan collapsed on the floor.

“Phew, that wath clothe!” He exclaimed, “they almotht had my new collar!  I don’t think I like goatth all that much”

“They’re fine” India chuckled, “you just have to be careful around them, as you should be with all the animals here at TURN.  They all have their little quirks”

“Quirkth?”

“Peculiarities” India explained, “odd things that they do that we, and others, don’t.  Anyway, at least now you know why mum says you’re like a goat”

“No, why?” Rohan asked, indignantly.

“Because you’ll eat anything you find, as well” India pointed out, “it’s no wonder you’re always making smells”

Rohan tittered and hauled himself back into the crate.

“And keep up your own end this time” India commanded, “I don’t want your…” a large, golden furred foot landed on her snout, “paw in my face” she sighed, resignedly.

You can find out all about India, Packham and the animals at TURN Education in 'Waggy Dog Tales', a collection of amusing and heart-warming stories for children of all ages.  To get your copy and, in the process, make a donation to TURN Education, check out the information in the pinned post here.