Time Goes Slow When I'm Not Alone.

No words can express the love
I feel when I'm with you,or the magic
Memories of so much fun we have
Had over the 34 years we've shared,
Even the tears made me smile,because
At least we could do it together.

But these days my heart is also filled
With so much pain of loneliness even when
You sit beside me daily, from the time
I have to help you dress, till the time I help
You to your wheelchair.

I pick up my car keys,sighing because I
Know the journey is over 15 miles,
Before we reach the nearest day care
Center that gives me one afternoon's
Break a week,or for the 2 hours
Drive every other day to your hospital
Or doctors appointments.Even when we
Have our son and his family over for Sunday
Roast I feel so overwhelmed and unable
To cope and share my unhappiness.

I feel so guilty for dreaming of a another
Life something different than this,I
Remember our plans of owning a small
Farm in Spain,we always worked hard,
So hopefully we could enjoy our last few years
Relaxing while we still had our Good health.

I even start laughing because I see
Us arguing in my 'awake' dream ,over why
We shouldn't open your favorite bottle of wine,
Viña Sastre Crianza,which you never opened as it
Was the most expensive wine you had ever owned,
And given you for your 30 years in the police
Force.

Then you wake and call for help with your toilet needs
Or you want your food. and I am suddenly brought
Firmly back to earth with a realistic bang.