Family Recipe

Take a hairy testicle and put it in a pot
(Or place it in a saucepan if a saucepan's all you've got)
Then boil it up for half an hour and add a touch of salt
And mix in Polish vodka and some Scottish single-malt
Stir the whole shebang again and leave it there to simmer
Until three and twenty hours have passed and daylight's growing
dimmer
Then take it off the cooking heat and pour it in a bowl
Add a pinch of garlic and an onion that is whole
Then serve it with some crusty bread to loving child or spouse
And they'll sit there eating greedily as quiet as a mouse
For they wont know their food is balls - they'll think that it's just
chicken
And while they sit there munching and a'crunching and a'licking
You can laugh and cheer and clap as they eat every dollop
In the lovely, secret knowledge that you've fed your family
bollocks.