where do you find my love

Where do you find my love.

 

When I was 10 my dad was off to the pen

Not the one you hold in your hand

But the one where men lose their souls

 

Before I knew it things got real bad round me

Every sucker offering me things

That my pops would think better of me

So I succumbed not to drink, dope or to small change

Not the crack pipe pimpin or pretending I had a dope game.

 

But this thing was more sinister than any of those beasts

Scrambled my thoughts and turned me into a fiend.

I was walking back from school minding my own biz

A little tired from lack of sleep after a night swatting for a school test

Thought I’d rest up, kick back, relax and hang with a few older guys

Who had stumbled across a magazine with a girl showing her private bits

With silky smooth lips and the devil in her eyes.

 

To say the least boy well I was shocked my heart pumped right to the core

Is this what was under the dresses of girls at school whom I adored

I hesitated; a voice said wait is this what you do as a child

Ogle girl’s breast and wonder what it’d be like between those fleshy wet thighs

But another voice spoke as soft and cunning like a poisoned snake

In the garden saying to eve is this fruit really not for your taste

Go on try it you might like it

Its Chicken soup for the soul

It’s better in your prime before you get old.

Like cheese, red wine combined

Their taste

Pure gold

 

Go on try it you’ll like it

My lips are sealed

drink it down into your soul.

 

So I looked and looked and before long I was hooked

Like a druggie strung out on heroin a real dope on a rope.

Legs turned to jelly, man this experience was scary

Not to mention the hairs at the back of my neck

Or the rush in my belly

 

They all laughed thought it was some kind of silly game

But me all I could feel is my sweet sister’s shame

They all said what they would do with the girl who had no name

I had just entered a world where I would never again be the same

 

Perverted thought s and polluted minds

Even Sade’s changed saying this is a crime

 

Woken up to a life where death is bought

At the paper shop it’s more risky than it’s worth

It’s the habit of the century

It’s like doing time

 

Perverted thought s and polluted minds

Even Sade is saying this is a crime

 

Woken up to a life where death is bought

At the paper shop it’s more risky than it’s worth

It’s the habit sweeping the kids of the nation

More victims are doing crime

 

 

 

So I had just encounter my first cheap thrill

On the corner of the street

What a rush better than any hallucinogenic pill

My mind was rabid I was drooling for more, more more

Thought I could handle it

What harm could be done

 

Was on the lookout for some type of the more

A predator in my own landscape needing a hit another score

First the mags then the vids then the real hard core thing

Goose bumps on my flesh needed the very latest thing

As I grew from adolescence to a man

My mind stayed retarded like a man in chains

All the guilt the abuse the hurt and the shame

I can’t watch this no more but I did just the same

Till I was acting out all I watched on some back street floor

Till I graduated to the parlours and yes you guessed it even to lady boys

 

 

Perverted thought s and polluted minds

Even Sade is saying this is a crime

 

Woken up to a life where death is bought

At the corner shop it’s more risk than it’s really worth

 

 

My mind was dark like the streets densely polluted

I needed help could'nt even believe I could be doing this

I’d sunk low, lower than any other hobo

To the depth of insanity

Sin to me was like high levels of cholesterol

Making me sick,

Sick in the head

Down to my core

Need more fuel for the furnace

They’ll be chalking my body on the floor.

 

If I don’t stop it…get off this poisoned elixir real quick

My body crying out with pain for another quick hit.

 

I’m in hell when heaven was where you promised to take me

My fix of porn and girly magazines daily

The ladies at the brothels each knew me by name

Knew my address and my secret birthmark

My secret shame

 

But they didn’t see me in my lonely world

At home with the blinds drawn tight

Fag ends spewing from empty beer cans

No money for gas

Alone in the cold.

 

Till one day I went to a show case smoothie

Met some cats who shared their dreams

And shared love with me

People like Ashanti, James, Dave and the beautiful netty

Dermot, glamor, Tim and the songstress Rebecca

Jit with his bongos the medicine man

And my sister Melanie singing Minnie ripertons

Loving you is so beautiful, God bless you child you got your own

And PJ my parde and Andy my spar and Belinda the nurse

Who loved us all the more.

 

That night there I went to heaven and back

On the wings of the music

And not in some dirt brothel sack.

I sored like an eagle, not flat on my back.

 

I want you to know I owe it all to you

For treating me like a human

And not like the scum of the earth

I’ve been on this journey for such a long long time

But this time I feel a change in the air

This is now our time

 

 

I know I have a long way to go

But I know you’ll all be on the way with me

Helping me to grow

Knocking down walls

And building up strong holds

 

Now my faith is restored

No more need for self-harm

Can see clearly now all the porn has gone

 

I’m strong I’m strong I’m strong

Thank Christ Jesus now that I’m strong

You all where his instrument to bring me along

In a place where there’s love

And that not of the perverted kind.

 

Where love rains supreme

And not that of the emotional kind

 

I’m strong I’m strong

Thank God Almighty I’m strong

You all where God’s instruments to bring me along

In a place where there’s love

And not that of the perverted kind

 

Where love rains supreme

And respect is found.