Jimmy
By ralph
Tue, 02 Sep 2008
- 1999 reads
5 comments
Under the trees,
at the end of the field.
The day we built our camp.
We had rusty nails,
Sweet cigarettes.
A radio that played opera.
You showed me a photo,
of a nude person.
It was your dad's.
We both kissed her,
then each other.
We called her Gina.
And we did that all summer.
Until she became discoloured,
with the autumn of our friendship.
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Comments
I really like this one,
Permalink Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on
I really like this one, Ralph.
And sweet cigarettes ... I can just taste 'em. Along with Spanish wood, blackjacks and aniseed balls.
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A good one Ralph. I like the
Permalink Submitted by luigi_pagano on
A good one Ralph. I like the hint of eroticism that the nude photograph suggests.
If I may be allowed to be a pedant: 'dads' requires an apostrophe.
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'And we did that all
Permalink Submitted by MistakenMagic on
'And we did that all summer.
Until she became discoloured,
with the autumn of our friendship.'
I just loved the ending! The entire poem had such a great sense of atmosphere and anticipation.
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I really like the minimalist
I really like the minimalist form to this - so much said with so few words.
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