A ride Towards Harsh wisdom: Chapter three (4)

Rilleux now understood the situation, and he felt he could be almost
certain about what Valette might want to discuss. Still, he felt he
should play it safe and simply listen for a bit. He leaned on the wall
opposite her, and nodded for her to continue.

It took a moment for Valette to speak, Rilleux noticing her taking a deep breath as she composed herself.

“ I, shit. Where do I begin? Look, I’m sorry about what happened with Demlun just now. It was really stupid of me.”

Rilleux hadn’t expected that.

“ You’re sorry? Demlun had that coming, saying things like that. He’s
been an ass this whole trip, I’m surprised you didn’t knock him out
sooner. I-“

“ Shut it!” snapped Valette, interrupting him. “ Do you really think I
need you sympathising with me and bitching about Demlun? He’s only an
immature ass, I never should rise to jibes from him. He isn’t even that
bad, compared to others I’ve had to deal with. Shit, he probably didn’t
deserve what I did. I was trained to have more discipline than that.”

“ Were all stressed, It’s understandable.” Rilleux replied.

A part of him wanted to just get out with it and tell Valette he’d
heard her and Rohais arguing, but deep down he knew it wouldn’t help. At
best, she’d be annoyed he was listening, and at worst, she’d leave
without getting off whatever was on her chest.

“ I can handle the stress, Rilleux, and Demlun should just be noise.”
There was a pause, then she continued. “ But there’s something else,
and it’s been eating away at me for five days now, longer than that
even. That’s why I snapped today, and that why things might seem
different with me and Rohais.”

Rilleux leaned back again. “ Go on.”

Valette hesitated again, then continued. “ I should begin by saying
that for years, my parents have never once interfered in my personal
life, so long as it didn’t hinder my training. I’m their only child, and
I carry all the hopes of the D’orzerge bloodline. Luckily, I’ve managed
to surpass even my father in skill, so that’s left me free to do as
I’ve liked.

At least, until the start of this year, when our family sage
confirmed my mother will bear no more children. They never told me, but
my parents had been trying for years to have another child, when it
became obvious I had no interest in men. My uncle was killed in the last
war with Gardena, and he’d never married. As it stands, the D’orzerge
family will end with me.”

Rilleux could not help but gasp. “ Stars above, I had no idea. The
D’orzerge family line goes back to court of king Heilo. At least two of
them formed part of Queen Frota’s Honour guard at the battle of Sirim-“

“ You sound like my tutor, so stop before if show you up by reciting
our whole saga word for word. Yes, our family has a huge legacy, and
I’ve felt the weight of it every day. It just,…. it never occurred to me
that it might need more than my sword to preserve it. But now my
parents are concerned with my private life, my father especially.
Recently, it’s gotten worse.”

“ How so?” asked Rilleux. He didn’t like where this was going.

“ Around the time they found out no more children were on the way, I
was seeing this merchants daughter from Darnald, Monabrie Sur-vin. Her
father had been travelling along the road towards Treteres, but had had
to stop at our castle to repair his wagon. We offered to let them both
stay with us, and things went naturally from there.”

“ On the night after the news was broken, Monabrie and I were in my
room. Out of nowhere, my door burst open, and my father charged inside.
Before I could even react, He grabbed Monabrie by the hair and threw her
off me, tossing her practically out the door. She ran away before she
had time to get her clothes on.

I was too shocked to say anything, and that’s when he started
screaming at me. I could tell right away he’d been drinking. He went on
and on about how I was a failure as a daughter, that my conduct brought
shame upon our whole house. He said he wished I’d been born a son, not
as a, in his words, confused daughter. “

Rilleux had nothing, and made sure she could tell that he was still listening. He now hung on her every word.

“ In the morning he apologised, but the damage was done, and we
couldn’t go back from there. Monabrie and her father left without a
word, and I haven’t get involved with anyone after that, not while I was
at home at least. I’m scared that if I do, my father would have another
outburst, so I do my best to not even give any girls around the castle a
second look.

I can’t simply avoid my father though, and things haven’t got much
better. We’ve started arguing over the most petty things, always
clashing whenever business of the castle needs to be discussed. Every
time, it was clear that my father was really angry about me being gay,
but he refuses to admit it. So he’s being passive about it, discreetly
dismissing the pretty servant girls and refusing any noble daughters who
wanted to lodge for the night.

But if you think I’ve had it bad, it’s nothing compared to what my
mothers had to deal with . My father’s always been the kindest husband
you could imagine, but now it’s clear my mother is barren, he’s started
acting like a different man. He barely talks to her, He doesn’t want to
eat with her, and he’s completely stopped going to her bedchamber.

When he does see her, he’s cold at best, and when he’s worse he
starts saying all these awful things to her, calling her an old sow and a
barren field. He spends half of his nights with some of the worst of
his men, drinking himself half to death and bitching about me and my
mother behind our backs. From what I gathered, he likes to rant about
how women have brought ruin upon his house, and that it’s all due to
curses or Gardenan spies or other paranoid crap.”

“ By my house Valette, I-…..” Rilleux had piped up, but instantly
regretted it. He knew that no matter what came out of his mouth, it
would simply be a platitude.

“ I can’t imagine what it must have been like.” There, that was better than nothing.

He was sure she’d snap at him, and momentarily avoided eye contact
with her. Yet when he turned back, he saw that her expression hadn’t
changed, her eyes still downcast as she bit her bottom lip.

“ You’re right, you cant. The worst part is, I actually feel sorry
for my father, you know? It’s like his whole world has started to
crumble, and its turned him into a stranger. I don’t know the man who’s
taken his place, and I keep thinking it’s my fault.”

“ How in saints name is it your fault?!” shouted Rilleux, suddenly
flush with anger. “ Yes, you may be gay, but it’s no excuse for your
father to blame you for everything that’s happening to your house.”

“ You think that hasn’t occurred to me, Idiot!” Now Valette was
annoyed, and Rilleux’s hand instinctively reached for his sword.

“ I know I can’t change who I am, and my father used to understand
that. But now he hates me for it, because it stops him from hating
himself too much. It’s gotten so bad, I’ve started wishing I was
interested in men, and could have been married off years ago to pop out
babies for our bloodline. It would have saved my mother at least, and my
father might have stayed my father.

This last month before I’ve set out on pilgrimage, its escalated
quickly. My parents argued with each other one night, Screaming so loud
you could hear them screaming from the stable yard, and it was all about
me. I ran to the common room, but before I could reach it, my father
had struck my mother across the face. When I got in, her face was
bleeding, and he was standing over her with the family sceptre in his
hand. I managed to tackle him, and he tried to strangle me!

I found out he’s been meeting with a Dark sage, sneaking out of the
castle at night to go to his cave. Stars know what he’s talking about
with him, but my mother’s been terrified lately of what he might be
planning. I’ve had to stay up with her night after night, trying to calm
her down and stop her crying.

Then out of nowhere, he sent me out to join up with all of you. There
was nothing I could do about it, he’d gotten the kings permission and
everything. I hated leaving my mother alone with him, but if had to
leave. Still, I made sure a couple of the guards I trust will keep her
safe, no matter what my father tries.”

“ Valette, I don’t mean to make things worse, but I’ve read about
what dark sages are capable of” Rilleux voice was low now, and he
couldn’t disguise his fear. “ If your father is serious about meeting
with one, you and your mother could be in serious danger.”

Valette ran her hands through her hair, gritting her teeth.

“ Don’t say any more, or I’ll go insane. I did get our family sage on
my side, and he promised to put some ward spells in place without my
father knowing. But I wanted to put everything going on at home out of
my mind, or else I’d likely die out here. Then I met Rohais, and you can
guess the rest. “

“ It’s good that you two found each other. I can tell she really cares for you.”

Then, before he could stop himself, Rilleux carried on “ But you
still haven’t explained why you’ve been treating her like you have
lately, and what’s going on at home is no excuse! You forget, she’s not
just your lover, she’s my friend, and I can’t stand to see what you’ve
been putting her through. I heard you two last night, so get to the damn
point about why you’ve been a bitch lately!”

He’d felt himself lose control of his words as he said them, venting
his frustrations without restraint. The icy chill of regret came the
moment he finished, as he now saw Valette reaching behind her back,
going for her greatsword.

Her eyes where flashing now, and Rilleux knew he couldn’t waste any
time. In a second, he had his sword out in front of him, pointing it
directly at Valette’s throat.

Valette could feel the steel close to her throat, and this was enough
for her to put her hands down. The flash in her eyes was quickly
switched to something between fear and sadness. Rilleux could swear he
was seeing things, but it almost looked like Valette might be about to
cry.

“ Fuck, Valette, I’m-“

“ Save it” she said flatly, cutting him off. “ You’re right, stars
help me. I knew you must have heard us, and that you’d get at me
eventually. But if you wanted to make me hate myself any more than I do
now, it would be a waste of time.

Like I said, I’ve been trying to put all the crap at home out of my
mind, and she’d helped a lot with that. Then the morning we were due to
set out from Illpialle, someone at the inn handed me a letter from home.
If I’d had any sense, I’d have thrown it out, but instead I read it. It
was from my father.

He’s made an deal to have me betrothed to the son of a noble house,
and that the arrangements for the wedding will begin the moment I return
from pilgrimage. “

“ How can he do that!” Rilleux exclaimed, balling his fists in anger.
“ He must know that even marrying you off isn’t going to bring him an
heir, and it’s only going to harm your houses reputation when it ends in
annulment.”

“ That’s the worst of it. He says he’s aware that my, well he refers
to it as my situation, would ordinarily serve as a hindrance to any
betrothal, and that for months he’s been making enquiries to other noble
houses to marry me off with that in mind, all for nothing.

Then, he got a letter from one family who’d be willing to match me
with their son. Their boy isn’t interested in being a husband, and my
father tells me that I’d only ever have to spend one night with him,
have one child, and then I’m free to do whatever I wish while he carries
on his days of sleeping around.

That was it. He didn’t even ask how I am, or say anything about how
things are back home. Nowhere does he ask if I consent to this, or
anything like that. This is pure business, and once I’m married off and
an heirs on the way, I’ll finally stop being an inconvenience to him.”

There was a long pause, both of them looking at the dungeon floor.
All around them was silence, the ancient structure so thoroughly
uninhabited that not even rats or spiders took residence here.

After a minute, Rilleux spoke up.

“ Valette, if you find out who your betrothed is, maybe you can work out some kind of plan.”

Valette looked back at him, and Rilleux could swear she was about to cry again.

“ That’s the worst part, I can’t. Because the man I’m betrothed to Is Demlun Le Sasbil, and he doesn’t even know it.”