Rapunzel

A pregnant woman and her spouse
Lived in a lovely little house
Which stood not very far at all
From an evil witch's garden wall.
Beyond the wall there grew the best
Fruit and veggies in the west.

One day the woman, feeling ponderous,
Saw in the garden the most wondrous
Bed of veg she'd ever seen,
Growing near some runner beans.
She shouted to her hubby, waving,
"I've got the most tremendous craving!
"So go on honey, be a champion,
"Fetch some of those lovely Rampions"
What are they? I thought you'd ask
So I looked it up (now there's a task.)
It certainly was new to me
And wasn't in my dictionary.
My granddad's old red reference book
Say's "Root vegetable that's good to cook."

Meanwhile, back in our fairytale
The woman's husband went quite pale.
"Fetching you these veg you crave
"Could put me in an early grave.
"If I get caught by that old goat
"You know full well she'll slit my throat!"
"What are you?" she cried, "Man or mouse
"Now go on get out of my house
"And don't come back until you've got
"Some rampions for my cooking pot."
He dare not ask her for a pardon
So soon was in the witch's garden
Picking as quickly as could be
Some rampions for his spouses tea.
Shame that he didn't realize
The foul old hag with beady eyes
Had seen him pinching her best veg.
(She'd hidden just behind the hedge.)
Before he knew, to his alarm,
The witch had grabbed him by the arm.
"You're dead!" She shrieked, "And that's for certain."
"Oh please let go, my arm is hurtin'."
He begged, "Please spare my wretched life,
"They're not for me but for my wife,
"You see she's in the pudding club
"And craves the most unusual grub.
"Last week it was bread and cheese
"With custard on it, if you please!"
On hearing this the old hag smiled
And said, "I'm going to take your child.
"It seems to me a decent swop
"For giving you my rampion crop."
The poor chap now was in despair,
He didn't really think it fair
Although he grudgingly agreed
And took his wife her lovely feed.

A month later ( or there abouts)
The little house was filled with shouts
Of "HURRAH!" and "let the flags unfurl,
"We've got a lovely baby girl."
The witch, on hearing this uproar,
Soon came a knocking at their door.
She gave an evil toothless grin
And said, "Hello, may I come in,
"Your husband did a deal you see,
"So now that child belongs to me."
And picking up the sleeping bundle
Said, "I name this child RAPUNZEL."
(That was another name, I'm told,
For rampions in days of old.)
With that she took the baby home
And brought it up as if her own.
Rapunzel grew up tall and fair,
With flowing locks of sandy hair
Which grew so very long and fine
That it resembled golden twine.
She was, when she was just sixteen,
The loveliest girl you've ever seen.
Upon her sixteenth birthday morn
The witch said to her, full of scorn,
"You're very pretty I suppose,
"Although you've got a crooked nose,
"Quite soon," She said, "You're bound to meet,
"Some lad who'll sweep you off your feet.
"The only way to keep you pure
"Will be to lock you up, I'm sure."
Then using all her magic power
She locked Rapunzel in a tower
Without a door and no staircase,
It was a really horrid place.

Each night, around when darkness fell,
The witch up to the tower would yell,
"Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair."
There then came falling through the air
Her fine gold locks tied in a plait
And witch climbed up in seconds flat.
She brought with her Rapunzel's nosh,
Smoked salmon sarnies, very posh.
But always told her that she must
Never eat one single crust.
(As you and I are well aware,
Bread crusts give you curly hair.)

It just so happened that one day
The kings young son passed by that way,
He heard Rapunzel's frightened calls
From high inside the tower's walls.
He thought, "I'll have to do my best
"To free this damsel in distress."
But though he searched for half an hour
He found no way to climb the tower.
"Oh well," He sighed, "That's beaten me."
And set off home to have his tea.
Rapunzel, with a sinking heart,
Watched as he started to depart.
She shouted, "Hey, you can't go home
"And leave me stranded here alone!"
"I'm sorry dear." The Prince replied.
"I'd like to help, but though I've tried
"I can not get up there to you
"So what else is there I can do?"
She called, "Why don't you climb my hair?"
Her plaits came falling though the air.
The prince said, "That'll do the trick,
"I'll have you out in just a tick."
And holding tight upon the strand
Began to climb, hand over hand.
Well, the witch was only skin and bone
But this young prince weighed fifteen stone!
Rapunzel cried "You hefty brut!
"You're pulling my hair from it's roots!"
With that she took a pair of shears
And cropped her locks below her ears.
She looked and thought "That's just the job,
"I've got a most delightful bob!
"Without all that hair on my noddle
"I reckon I could be a model!"
The Prince, meanwhile, lay in a heap,
He'd fallen more than sixty feet!
While he lay bleeding on the ground
Rapunzel's hair fell all around.
Our heroine looked down and saw
Her flowing mane upon the floor,
Without so much as a second glance
Decided she must take her chance.
She leapt the hundred feet or more
Into the curls upon the floor.
And landing on her silky thatch,
Survived the fall without a scratch.
(Also helped, it must be said,
By landing on the Prince's head!)
Up she jumped and ran away
She ran all night and then all day
And when she stopped she found by chance
She'd ended up in Paris, France.
Once there, as she was no-one's fool,
She soon enrolled at modeling school.

Our dear Rapunzel's now found fame,
She's had her nose done, changed her name
And graces Paris fashion shows
Wearing top designer's clothes!