Politics, I Hate The Word As I Hate All Politicians And These...

The senate race - in my opinion - is nothing more then a knock down; hair pulling; eye gouging; scratching, kicking, slapping, punching, childish dispute between two people who already have enough personal wealth between them to buy the office in question outright - if such an office could in fact be legally purchased - but instead are compelled by gluttony, (for want of more of everything and anything... like stoking the fires of a great and growing need for attention; the accumulation of wealth and self-idolatry) to ‘debate’ for it, if indeed such an embarrassing and barbaric televised argument between two such adults could be described by a word that might otherwise have carried with it some civilized connotation, all with the purpose ascribed to it of showing that we can settle our partisan differences, resulting in and revealing to the public at large, that getting along with one another in order to work effectively together may not only be accomplished, but I have to say facetiously... realized in our lifetime.

To me, two such self-important, greedy combatants never need be associated with any high level government platform, which will only serve in the end to feed already acquired bad habits, causing conflict between co-workers all the more.

In fact, all I need do to illustrate my point is to repeat some of the dialogue of the televised event that went on in my state just a few short weeks ago. After reading it, I’m certain that any citizen of democratic society will see my point, at least well enough to agree that we have a problem in this country in the way we elect representatives of the people, by the people, and for the people.

This so-called debate between Ms. DeClair MyCastle and Mr. Rhym Liq’ueur went exactly like this - or anyway, as well as I can remember it did...

“She runs a meth lab in her office!”

“That is the most ridiculous accusation I have ever heard, but coming from a man who works such long hard hours in public washrooms from coast to coast, what more do I need to say in my defense other then, ‘I sincerely hope you’re satisfied now Mr. Rhym Licker.’”

“That’s Liq’ueur. Mr. Rhym Liq’ueur, but what would you expect from a lady who shoots meth daily, gives rambling speeches like Hitler and hasn’t paid her taxes since the end of the Civil War - which I might add didn’t end the way her family would have liked it to.”

“How dare you! I have been a tax paying citizen of Missouri all mah days and none a the slaves on my plantation have ever once accused me of unfair treatment or harsh living conditions. Shame on you Mr. Rhym Licker for using this debate as a weapon against my personal integrity. Your bombast is a reflection of the type of race you’ve been running from the very start. A mockery of my stainless record as a selfless servant of the people.”

“That’s very funny coming from a person who runs nursing homes down to the ground, sets fire to them to collect on their insurance and gets away with it all. Hey, that reminds me, I’ve been meaning to ask you who your lawyer is. I bet he’d like working for the Liq’ueur machine... er, team I meant to say. Why don’t you give him my card? I’d like to meet him sometime.”

“Sure, just tell me what washroom you’d like to meet him in. Then you can get right down to any of those swelling, urgent interests you’ve been known to have acted on so often. Which brings me to my very point Mr. Licker... just what is it that you feel you’ve achieved since you’ve taken office. Please, tell me. Tell us all. The entire television audience - millions of people - are waiting breathlessly to hear.”

“I...” muttered the senator, as a feeling of desperation and a sincere loss for words fell over him like a darkened cloud. No thoughtful means with which to muster any answer seemed to be at his disposal, until finally, like the guiding light required to find one’s way around just one of Ms. DeClair MyCastle’s huge homes, the always unjustifiably proud senator, undaunted by Ms. MyCastle’s high spirited attack replied...”I helped ban gay marriages in this state for one thing, that’s what! How could you ever persuade the American people to doubt me, or the strict code of morals I adhere to. That, DeClair MyCastle will simply never happen. Not in this life time.”

“It might take a lifetime to question all the choir boys you’ve allegedly molested, and unfortunately, we’re running out of debate time, but I’d be happy to reach into my purse here and pay for another hour long time slot if it would bring the truth to light. Has anyone here got change for a million dollar bill? I’m so sorry, I don’t seem to have anything smaller on me at the moment.”

“Okay Ms. MyCastle. I’ll tell you the truth. The only truth is that your father had sex with farm animals; made millions of dollars selling moonshine to seven year olds in third world countries and lost it all when he became a syphilitic leper, unable to remember his own name or even the name of his favorite mistress... a beloved goat named Gerta. That’s the only truth Ms. MyCastle.”

“Lies, all lies. One lie after another. I don’t understand why Mr. Licker must spend his time attacking my family just because they don’t hide in a closet. Really Mr. Licker, I wouldn’t even have shown up tonight if doctors hadn’t reassured me that I couldn’t get aids from standing too close to you.”

“That’s it,” remarked the presiding official of the MyCastle / Liq’ueur debate. We have unfortunately run out of time tonight, but lets have a big round of applause for both of these fine Missouri residents. If you ask me ladies and gentlemen, senatorial hopefuls just don’t get any better then Ms. MyCastle and Mr. Rhym Licker. How about another big hand for them!”

“That’s Liq’ueur you idiot. Oh, maybe I should just change my name. Everyone mispronounces it wherever I go.”

“Why would you when it suites you so well? I should think you would have gotten used to the flavor of it all by now, Mr. Rim Licker. But the most important truth of the night never did seem to come out in our debate.”

“What’s this now DeClair? Have you finally thought of something deeper then your twisted tax return or your money stuffed mattress that you’d like to discuss?”

“Only that especially in your case, you really can judge a book by its cover. I genuinely hope you and your would be clone lose this race and amendment 2 for stem cell research passes. You were right, we don’t need two of you. In fact, the only time I enjoyed listening to you was when you said, ‘I don’t wanna be walk’in down the street one day an see me com’in at me!’ You really do have a way with words but after all, even one of you is too many for this world.”