Solomon

From: "Reid Laurence" "TYPE=PICT; ALT=Add to Address Book"Add to Address Book Add Mobile Alert
To: "'Bob Laurence'" Subject: RE: Our new dog
Date: Fri, 3 Mar 2006 09:00:38 -0600

Hi dad,
I'm writing you this e-mail just to let you know that we got a new dog recently. He's a tiny, miniature Pincher we rescued from the pound.

When I saw him sitting there in his cage, looking at me with those big brown eyes of his, he reminded me of someone of great wisdom. A thinker and a gentleman, so I named him Solomon - after the great King Solomon. It seemed to me that our new friend had everything that old king Sol had, except of course for any kind of wealth - unless the little guy was holding out on me.

When we brought him home though - much to our dismay - we found out how wrong I was about this first impression of mine, for several good reasons...

It didn't take us long to find out what a food-a-holic he is. But he's not just crazy about food, he also goes ga-ga for sweets. We found that out when Mary got the kids a bunch of pricey dark chocolate and we left the house to go on a hike. When we got back, all that was left of the kids candy was the tin foil wrappers it came in, but boy, did he have energy from all that sugar! We should've named him Sparky! He ran around the house like his pants were on fire - which reminds me of another true story about him...

As soon as we brought him home, he shivered from the cold and that was all my wife and lovely daughter Natalie needed to know. They went right to the store and bought him tiny sweatshirts. I swear, he's got more clothes than I do now. The thing is though, when he lifts his leg to pee, he goes all over it and needs to change his clothes, but no matter, like I say, he's got plenty. One sweatshirt even has a tiny hood, so on cold nights he can put his hood up. I wouldn't mind all this if he didn't repay us in empty candy wrappers and garbage, strewn all over the place whenever we leave the house! We have to Solomon-proof the place every time we go, otherwise, we'll be wishing we never left.

He's emptied every garbage can in his reach and dumped the contents everywhere and anywhere. His motivation to find food is unstoppable. You'd understand if you saw what I give him to eat. All sorts of good healthy stuff. Things that would make other dogs sit and drool. He's like some kind of wild Racoon or something. He doesn't look like he has worms either. In fact, he could stand to lose a few pounds.

I bet I know what you're thinking. You're thinking 'how in the world does one little dog get into so much trouble?' and my answer is, that the only thing that stops him is a closed door. He's up on every table! One time we left a bowl of popcorn on our dining room table and when we got back it'd vanished as if we'd never made it. He just bounces around the place like a ping-pong ball, getting into everything. If he wants to get up on a table, he just jumps up on a chair first. It's not just the disappearing food that bothers us though, we're worried he's gonna give himself diabetes. He doesn't have much body weight and one day we came home and counted eight empty chocolate wrappers. That can't be good.

I bet I know what else you're thinking now, 'if he's so much trouble, why would you keep him?' Well, the fact is, I have thought about giving him to some friends we have. They're very patient people and have a farm here in the Ozarks. I think he'd be very happy there, and we could visit him from time to time. I'd like to keep him, but he just continues to get into the most incredible mischief. You won't believe what he's doing as I'm sitting here typing this out. He's digging holes in the back yard. All I can see from the sliding door is about four or five huge black holes. With my eyes, I'm lucky to see that much. They just screw up at any kind of distance. Anyhow, Mary's going out there to yell at him. I can hear the screaming from my desk as I'm sitting here. I tell you, I wouldn't want to be in his shoes right now - which by the way, is the only article of clothing he doesn't have...shoes. That wife of mine can really yell. Hmm, sounds more like a party then the discipline he deserves. I'm gonna find out what's going on...

Hey dad! I'm back at my desk now. You won't believe what all the yelling was about. I guess old Solomon is worth his weight after all. You know those big holes he just dug? They're plum full a oil! Solomon struck oil! I guess that means we're gonna keep him. How can I get rid of someone so wealthy and wise? After all, he more than pays his way. I'm gonna go out an get him some a the dark chocolate he likes so much.

Talk to you later,

Reid

PS - I wonder if he has a preference for Dove chocolate, or should I get him Godiva?