How To Lose Money And Brain Cells - A Petty Drug Dealers Guide PT 3

Work And Babies – Who Needs Them?

A few months past and I was popping more and more E and acid whenever it was available, which to be fair wasn’t all that much. I was also starting to sell pills to my same dope smoking friends too and also now selling weed and E to friends of their friends and I was starting to make a little bit of cash and smoking an eighth a day.

Work was starting to piss me off and I rarely turned up on Mondays due to the extreme comedowns of the weekend binges. Our boss, Bill, turned up one day at around eight in the morning to find myself, Stuart and a Scottish colleague named Davey passing around a joint that was about twelve inches long.
He looked at us, whilst shaking his head in disbelief, and said in his gruff cockney voice
“What the fuck do you think you three cunts are playing at?” “Give that ere”
Davey passed him the joint, he took three big blasts and exclaimed
“It’s shit!” “Now get back to work you stupid cunts”
Nobody could deny that he was a character, a pretty aggressive one mind but a character with a certain charm nonetheless.

Bill went away on holiday for three weeks and put Stuart and I in charge of panelling the concourse level. He left us the keys to the site box which contained all the tools and said that he expected to see progress when he returned. Naturally, we didn’t get any further than inserting the key into the lock of the site box for the first week; we just smoked and fucked around on the scaffolding. The following two weeks were spent in much the same way only we were now also getting some of the work done, not much, but enough to stay under the radar.

The three weeks passed and Bill returned to find the whole firm on tea break at the front of site. I was smoking a spliff, which Stuart and I were sharing, when out of nowhere Bill starts shouting and berating everybody about the lack of progress on the job since his absence. He marched straight over to me and literally snatched the joint from my mouth and screamed
“You two are a pair of fucking timewasters!”
“From now on there’ll be no more slacking, no more chatting and definitely NO MORE SPLIFFING!” “Now get back to work you useless shower of cunts!”
The job pretty much started to go downhill from there on and we made a pact that the next time we got any hassle we would simply pack it in.

It finally came to a head one morning when Stuart and I were particularly bombed on some real high grade skunk that we’d been smoking through a bong before work. We decided to grab some tools and scoot up our scaffold tower before anyone would notice us. We were both so sleepy that Stuart came up with the smart idea that if we plugged in the drills and tied a spanner to the side of the tower, should someone start to climb up it the sound of the spanner hitting the metal tower would act like an alarm thus allowing us to get some well needed sleep forty foot up. It was a pretty cunning plan and it worked too. When Bill started to climb the ladder the bell chimed and we awoke from our slumber and Stuart immediately started hitting something with a hammer and I pressed the trigger on the drill to make it seem like there was work going on. As he climbed closer we could hear him screaming
“Are you cunts doing any work up there or just sleeping?”
We replied in unison
“Yeah, we’re working”
When he reached the top he could see that nothing had been done since the day before and started yelling
“What the fuck am I paying the pair of you cunts for?” “Do you actually do any work or what?”
“Or what Bill” I replied as I chuckled to myself.
“You what you little cunt” He demanded to know.
“You know what mate?” “You can fuck this job right up your arse for all I care mate, I’m off”
“Me too” Stuart added with a giggle.
And that was the end of that job, never mind I still had my other business. See rule #10

Things weren’t going great at home with Carla either, we were fighting and arguing all the time. She was hanging out with her friend Rachel all the time, who had just given birth to a baby boy named Bobby, and I was busy selling and taking drugs with my mates.

One night I came back late to Carla’s flat to find her in tears. When I asked her what was wrong she replied through sniffles, whimpers whilst taking her greatest efforts to breathe
“Dave, I have something I need to tell you”
“No, no, no, please God, no”
I knew exactly what was coming
“I’m pregnant!” “I’m so sorry”
“No, no, this can’t be happening!
“I’m 18, unemployed and stoned all the time, what kind of father figure will I be?”
“I’m so sorry; I’ll get rid of it”
“Well that’s entirely your decision and I’ll support whatever you choose to do”
Obviously, I really wanted her to have an abortion as I wasn’t anywhere near ready to have a child; I mean I could barely take care of myself, let alone a small infant.
“I’ve made my decision and I’m going to have an abortion. I’ll make the appointment tomorrow”
“You don’t have to do this you know”
Secretly hoping she would but pretending to be supportive all the same.
“How did this happen anyway? I thought you were on the pill?”
“I must’ve forgotten to take it one day” she replied in a sheepish voice that made me suspicious.
Surely you don’t forget to take something as important as the contraceptive pill? Even if you did then surely you’d remember the following day and buy the morning after pill? Maybe she’d been feeling broody from spending all her time with Rachel and Bobby? Maybe she’d deliberately planned it and by the time she’d come to her senses, realising what a disaster it would be, it was too late? Who knows but her, the point was I knew it was going to be a nightmare whatever the outcome!

I spent the next few hours lying on her bed, cradling her in my arms and stroking her hair as we both quietly sobbed about the mess we’d created until eventually we both fell asleep.