Autumn Hush and Dash (IP)

By Rhiannonw

Sat, 05 Oct 2013
  • 3608 reads
12 comments
 

Summer sward now lies forlorn
neglected, soggy autumn lawn,
mounds of rotting apples, slushy
on the ground, a bounty, mushy
(crawling insects, maggots – lush)
feeding blackbirds, starlings, thrush –
autumn garden misty hush.

Just beyond the garden glides
river deep with shaded sides
still here too, growth limp and dank
decaying slowly on each bank.
Suddenly an arrow flies
electric blue, a glimpse that dies,
exciting dress on champion darter,
zipping through the autumn stupor:    
busy little bright kingfisher.

[IP: rotting apples on the ground        electric blue dress]
 

Certificate U
Poem
Nature
Inspiration Point (work that responds to our weekly writing cue)

Comments

Submitted by luigi_pagano on

I see that you have adapted the Ip (loosely) to a poem describing nature and used 'electric blue' as an analogy for the kingfisher's plumage. I am not sure whether we are allowed to break the lines or if we have to use them in their entirety. Whatever, I like your poem. Very expressive.

 

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Thank you, Luigi. I wasn't thinking I could do anything with these phrases, when the picture I've drawn here came into mind last night, and gradually I liked the contrast it brought out.

Concerning how strict the IP is, it has seemed to me that it is often interpreted very loosely, as a starting point to stimulating thoughts I suppose. I try to keep closely, but maybe take it to a different place than expected! Sometimes the way the IP is worded sounds more definite than at other times as to whether the whole phrase needs to be incorporated and whether it can be broken. Anyway, this time I tried to keep all the words in but did allow myself the breaks!
regards, Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Ray Schaufeld on

This is creative! Well done Rhiannon            Elsie

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Thank you, Elsie, glad you enjoyed it! Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Bee on

Great description of autumn, Rhiannon - mushy, slushy and damp. I could just imagine the blackbirds feeding on fallen apples, and then the little kingfisher flits by. They just sort of streak past our eye, don't they? And zip is the perfect word. Your kingfisher makes a good contrast to the scene. It's a lovely picture. Enjoyed this very much.

Bee

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Thank you, Bee. Glad it struck a chord with you. You are up early, I hope you are well.
Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Linda Wigzell Cress on

I love this adaptation of the IP, and the contrast between the rotting vegetation and the bright liveliness of the kingfisher.  Lovely work.

Linda

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Thank you, Linda. I did enjoy visualising this autumn contrast when the IP phrases brought it to mind.
Rhiannon

 

Submitted by jeand on

Hi Rhiannon

I am impressed by the number of times you respond to the Inspiration Point. I have looked at it most weeks and could think of nothing that would in any way be considered appropriate. But I suppose that is the beauty of poetry which is not at all a natural medium for me. One can write about an image that flashes across your mind.

This is a lovely poem, and I'm glad the kingfisher made up for  the rotting bits and pieces.

Jean

Jean Day

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Thanks, Jean. I can't remember exactly what the IP was, but I think there were 2 rather different phrases to try to incorporate. Usually I look at the IP and think, nothing coming to mind there, but often it stimulates away in the background, and something I hadn't been thinking about in that way comes to mind. Poetry can be much briefer than prose, though it can take a disproportionate amount of time sometimes! Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Di_Hard on

I really like the life cycle you have with the rotting apples , lush maggots and the hungry garden birds. Lush is a perfect word , putting the reader firmly in the birds' place:0) And the  sound of "Autumn garden misty hush" is magical

 

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Thank you, Di. Yes, it brings to mind the other side of autumn in our wellies, doesn't it? And the contrast of the kingfisher bright against the decaying sogginess. I think a case where an odd IP of two seemingly so different phrases suddenly caught the imagination! Rhiannon