A New Normal @ 100 years!

By Rhiannonw

Wed, 29 Jul 2020
  • 1153 reads
7 comments
 

Troubled childhood,
uneasy marriage,
now enjoying company
in Care Home –
to watch, can’t hear
or read normal print,
or follow TV.
Clinging to regularity
of son (and his wife) visiting
– “I couldn’t cope if you
weren’t coming in,
so I know you love me”.
(memories surfacing
of childhood loneliness,
feelings – maybe unjustified –
of rejection, of being unloved).

Comes Covid, and family
have to isolate
even before Home has to lockdown.

Will she understand,
she can’t hear,
will the staff be able to explain?

We sent a letter ‘big print’
– she loves to read
with her one partly working eye
if it’s ‘big print’
– concisely explaining
we can’t visit, because …
with pictures and news, reminders brief
and, a photo of us
at the top, like an address.

Amazingly, this was accepted as
us still visiting, loving.
We thank God.
It has become a contented ‘normal’,
a new ‘episode’ received every
two or three days, and probably
hoarded and read and re-read..

And now, we could visit
but with distancing (no hugs)
and mask or visors
(lips are so important for
the very hard of hearing)
and smiling mouths shielded.

We felt that as the New Normal
has been accepted,
such visits might prove
disturbing, confusing.

– “Let us know if she
needs us ‘in the flesh’”.
‘We will’.

Until a previous ‘normal’ can return?

[IP: The New Normal]

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Comments

Submitted by Penny4athought on

You've touched on a very big concern for many. It is so difficult for those loved ones in Care Homes, separated from their family and having limitations that make it even more difficult. Sending the letters was a very good idea and with visits now allowed, the distance and masks will have other limits that need to be overcome but seeing family near is always a big smiling plus..

Penny4athought

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Thanks, Penny. We were astonished at how she did accept this, though not understanding about Covid properly probably. We and my sister-in-law have been hesitant about visiting in the new strange way, as she is settled, and we feel she might get distressed with the distance and not being able to hear, but we lean on the staff to change our thinking there if they so assess, and maybe there will be further easing. Otherwise we will have to prepare her by letters for the strange visits I think! Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Philip Sidney on

Such a tough situation - important to document it.

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Thank you. Yes, a good exercise to record it all! Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Di_Hard on

What a dilemma for you both! Maybe your letters are like postacards for her? And she thinks you are on holiday?

Does she remember about Spanish flu and consumption? I had not realised that until only recently it was accepted people would often be in quarantine.

You make a good point about the masks. That came up in the chemist, today, how hard it was for people with hearing issues, both because voices are muffled and because no lip reading

Did the Queen send a postcard?

 

 

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

She has nursed, and been through the war, and so accepts much I think, but understanding is a bit hazy these days, especially with the hearing difficulties.

She got a card from the queen on her 100th birthday (my sister-in-law had to apply for it) and that pleased her a lot, though I think she was concerned about how busy the queen is!

I had a phone call yesterday from someone doing a yearly assessment of her needs. He had had to speak remotely to the staff, and asked the nurse to write down a question for her concering how she thought things were going there for her. He knew he couldn't ask her over the phone, but was gobsmacked to hear her replying after reading the question, coherently, at length, happily and , as he put it, elegantly! realising she is 100! Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Di_Hard on

gosh!