Kindertrain

Kindertrain

In obedience I left
not panic or fear of war,
though fear there was in plenty.
I was pushed
leaving shadowy memories
of tears and shapes
huddling over me,
pushing me towards great clouds
of steam and smoke
that hid the noise and nightmare
of the Kindertrain.

At night,
shadows return
as warm-coated giants
press packages into my hands,
weeping into handkerchiefs.
The only warmth I feel
in those tear-stained nights,
when everyone I know
seems to push me away,
is from the mist that hangs in clouds
hissing and clanking about me.

In crowded carriages,
sad, silent children crowd me
waving through smoke-blackened windows
at their own reflections.

I light from the train in sunshine so bright
it hasn't been seen since God said the word.
Kind faces greet me with sounds without words
smiles and laughter and welcomes enfold me
while grateful, I banish thoughts of the past
to bury myself in joy of this day.

Later, as I learned,
the truth slowly dawned
and I sought in the shadows
the features on those faces
that once bent over me,
to pierce the steam, smoke and tears
seeking the past I had lost.
But the faces were gone
greyed out by the journey
fleeing an unseen fear
to conjure my own private grief,
born of my need
to forget those who banished me.

Now that I am grown,
I weep for the lost family
of whom no news.
I punish myself daily
for my betrayal.
I yearn for a light
in my dreams.
I wander the world shouting my name
hoping it will be recognised.

Note:

In the last years before the Second World War, thousands of children
escaped Nazi Germany through the Kindertrain programme.
Separated from their families, many were never reunited.