We're The Very Best At Being Bad

Flicking off lollypop ladies
We rattle full-clap down rampart high streets.
What d’you mean turn down my music?
I’ll listen to Leonard Cohen any volume
I feel comfortable with,
Or have you got a problem?
i.e. me
i.e. me starting an altercation with you
i.e. me starting an altercation with you where I hurt you
because I think getting hurt
constitutes a problem,
don’t you agree?

We go to pubs with nice clientele
and make farting noises.
We visit garden centres and pester
The zebra finches.
We pinch inches of olive oil
From other people’s bottles.
We refuse to wash up.
We track mud into the kitchen.

My Lord we render
Wine bars lawless
Our plosives flawless
As we spar with jawless
Oiks who leave us aweless
We suplex maitre’ds through buffet tables
And taste blood as we sup
Our Chablis.
Anger, rosewood, cigars –
A tripod that keeps our lives level.
We yank blouses
From washing lines,
Slap chaps with gloves –
A duel, sir, at dawn, sir,
But then we never show up.