Twilight Zone Express: The Facebook Poster’s Devil

Narrator: Take away a man's dream, fill him with whiskey and despair, send him to a lonely bridge, let him stand there all by his lonesome looking down at the black water, and try to imagine the thoughts that are in his mind. You can't, I can't. But there's someone who can—and that someone is seated next to Russ Teed right now. He has longed to achieve the title of “Best Facebook Poster” of all time but has demonstrably failed with consistency. With the equanimity of a vagabond at a tuxedo party he worsens with despondency time and time again. Approached by Beelzebub himself he sells his soul for the gift of comedic literary skills. The catch is, he must be voted unanimously by all that he is the best and one year’s time is allotted to complete his daunting task. The car is headed back toward town, but its real destination is, the Twilight Zone Express.

In the beginning -

Facebook Russ Teed post: “I do less by 11:00am than most folks don’t do all day.”
Next day – “DAMN IT! NO ONE “LIKED” IT!”

Narrator - You're traveling to another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. A journey into a wondrous land whos boundaries are that of imagination. That's the sign post up ahead; you're next stop, the Twilight Zone Express.

Months later -

Facebook Russ Teed posting 1: “I accidently drank white paint thinking it was my milkshake. No worries, I just drank paint remover and I should be just fi….”

Posting 2:“SpongeBob Square Pants was dating S.O.S. PadBetty Round Skirt but he was too self-absorbed and she was too abrasive so they called it a wash.”

Posting 3: “LOL LOL LOL LOL …. THUD! Wow, it really fell off?”

Posting 4: “My friend mated a chicken with an owl and 2 ‘Chowls’ were born. Oh you gotta see this chick’s hooters.”

Next Day – “DAMN IT! NOTHING AGAIN! No Likes!

Conclusion – Day 364:

Facebook Russ Teed posting: “Okay, to all 172 of my FB friends; if you all write “you are the best FB poster ever” and click like - I will shut down my account forever.”

30 seconds later – 172 likes, 172 comments.

Narrator: Exit the infernal machine, and with it his satanic majesty, Lucifer - Prince of Darkness, otherwise known as Facebook Russ Teed. His famed moment was conterminously his demise. He's gone, but not for good, that wouldn't be like him. He's gone for bad. And he might be back, with another ticket to, the Twilight Zone Express.
Thank you to the late great Rod Serling and his legendary works in the Twilight Zone.