Sea Monkeys Have Criminal Tendencies

Everyone told me they were going to die. The neighbors, my kids'
friends, and even my husband told me that. My own children told me,
too; but I just had to see for myself; I'm an optimistic person. We'd
had the little package since my son's 7th birthday, and he's a man,
now, but the package says they'll stay alive for ever! It would be good
for the kids to see them hatch, grow and thrive.

I took the Sea Monkeys out of their packaging and treated the water,
making especially certain that I followed all the directions to the
letter ~ I didn't want MY Sea Monkeys to die, like everyone said they
would. You have to start a day in advance, to do it correctly, the
instructions said.

On the morning of the second day, I excitedly put the miniscule eggs
into the treated water and then kept a close eye on them. I couldn't
wait to see the mysterious little creatures; would they really look
like monkeys? The package shows these familial little creatures that
smile, perform tricks, play baseball, and all kinds of fun things. My
kids came home from school and told me again, "Mom, they're going to
die. They always die."

I made sure the water stayed the right temperature. I measured the
doses of ingredients with great care. Then I watched while they began
life as a microscopic white dot swimming through the little tank, which
seemed like a great expanse of water in comparison to the creature's
size. Soon, they grew legs and developed color, just like the
instructions said they would.

Within a week, they were a swimming community, though they didn't look
anything like the creatures on the package. In fact, they reminded me
of what swimming Lice must look like. The instructions say that they
should start reproducing and learning 'games' and 'tricks'.

I tried playing games and teaching them tricks, even though my family
thought I was nuts. Mine didn't seem to know the first thing about
baseball and had no interest in doing any tricks. And, they didn't
reproduce, either.

It wasn't long before they started to die off; just a few at first, and
then they died in droves, until I only had about seven left, from what
looked like thousands just days before. I'd done everything exactly
right, I'd been very careful, and they died no matter how I fussed over
them. Then, I got angry.

How can they sell pets to children that are sure to die? The kids told
me it's so that you have to buy more Sea Monkeys, and then those will
die too, so you have to buy more.....

I wrote the Sea Monkey people and told them what happened; that I
followed the directions exactly right, cared for them diligently, and
they still died. I wrote that everyone, including my own kids knew
before I did, that this would happen. Then I gave them a severe verbal
lashing for selling living things to children, knowing they would die.
Most children are very sensitive to death, and they were just asking
for a lawsuit, in this day and age! I gave them many pieces of my
mind.

It took several weeks, but I did hear back from those Sea Monkey
people; they assured me that they are not in the business of selling
death to children. They explained that these creatures are really brine
shrimp, like we feed the tropical fish in the tanks, and with a little
research I should be able to keep mine alive for a long time.

They gave me a free new tank; brighter colors and a light in the lid,
so I could see them at night if I want. They also sent me another
package of eggs, and several other small packages, and a letter
containing further instructions for their care that the original
packaging did not have. The letter said that my Sea Monkeys must have
caught a virus or bacteria. One of the several small packages contained
Sea Monkey antibiotics so this wouldn't happen again. Since mine
wouldn't mate, they'd sent me Sea Monkey aphrodesiacs to put them 'in
the mood', a Sea Monkey treat for when they were 'good', and some
vitamin fortified food.

I got out the little tank and started them again, this time confident
that MY Sea Monkeys would live! I followed the directions exactly right
again, and the next day I poured my little eggs into the water. They
hatched and grew, and at the first sign of sluggishness, I put in the
antibiotics, and they got well. I gave them their little treats after I
fed them, and they seemed to enjoy them. When they were old enough to
mate, but weren't mating, I added the Sea Monkey aphrodesiac to the
water.

What I saw next only took a matter of seconds to commence, and it made
me wish I'd had some little Sea Monkey policemen! Some of the females
were swimming for their lives to get away from one, two or even three
males on their tails! There were Sea Monkey rapes and orgies happening
right before my eyes! Males on males, multiple males on females, and
even some females dying from the rough treatment of the males. Made me
want to cover the tank! The females looked so helpless that I wanted to
rescue them! They struggled and swam until they had no energy left, and
the males had their Sea Monkey way with them, despite it all. After
having witnessed that, I didn't want to play baseball or teach them
tricks. They disgusted me, and I felt bad for putting the aphrodesiac
in the water. I only used the amount they'd said to.

But, soon there were little babies all over the tank, swimming and
mingling with the adults. I had a regular society going on in there,
and I kept careful watch over them every day in an effort to keep them
alive.

I went to the pet store for something else, and I saw their tank of
live feeder brine shrimp. Theirs looked bigger, browner, and more
lively than mine did, and I asked the store manager about them. He told
me that even brine shrimp come in different sizes and shapes, like any
other species of critter. So I bought some to add to my collection of
fun little creatures, and took them home and added them to my
tank.

The two species of brine shrimp didn't like each other. The new ones
were so much bigger than the ones I'd originally had, and they hogged
all the food when I put it in. I watched them 'wrestle' the little
females and chase the males, and again I felt bad for what I had done.
Soon, there were no original Sea Monkeys left; the new ones had killed
or starved them all, no matter what I put in the water, no matter how I
fussed and worried over them. Then one day, I saw babies; some of the
original Sea Monkeys had left eggs that hatched! They didn't survive
once they grew large enough to eat the food, though. The big, mean ones
ate it all, and I think the little ones starved. I tried and tried to
train the new ones, but they were incorrigible!

After five months of it, I flushed them down the toilet. I couldn't
stand it anymore.

When everyone asks me what happened to my Sea Monkeys, I just tell them
that they'd died, just as they were supposed to. I don't want to tell
them of all the disgust and crime I saw in that miniature community,
that I perpetuated. If these things can learn to play baseball, rape
and murder, I don't want them. Who knows what they'll learn next? Sea
Monkey forgery? Whatever it is, my kids won't be exposed to it! I don't
think it's a good experience for them.

And, from what the pet store manager told me, I've hit a record. They
are only supposed to live about 3 months; their normal life-span. So,
in effect, I perpetuated a rape-and-pillage society for longer than the
natural life time. Geez.....