Ancient Gags in Limerick Form

Campanology

"Campanology really is swell!"
Quasimodo, the hunchback, would yell.
Esmerelda's reply: "Campanology? My,
A big word. And it sure rings a bell."

Calorific

Eggs are fatty," said Jacques, off the cuff,
"Calorific, and all that bad stuff.
Yet you English eat two
With your breakfast. Mon dieu!
Here in France, though, one egg is un oeuf."

Cakey

Loving everything cakey, I'll go
Into bakeries, train as a pro.
It's a difficult art
With a 4 a.m. start
But I hear that they make lots of dough.

Carbonara

"Carbonara for me," said a bloke
In a diner. The waiter then spoke:
"Oh forgive us, sir, please,
We have bacon, ham, cheese
But no eggs. I'm not kidding. No yolk."

Cadaverous

When cadaverous Bach burns his pages
Of music, don't worry. This "rage" is
Not quite what it seems
'Cause he cheekily beams:
"I've been here, decomposing, for ages!"

Callousness

A dirt track felt callousness, hate.
So a shrink checked its cognitive state.
"You are sick in the head,"
The psychiatrist said,
"You're a dangerous cycle path, mate!"

Accidental death and dismemberment

The insurance man sold me some stuff
'Cause his spiel was relentless and tough.
I'm no sensible man, though…
Dismemberment plan? Oh
I reckon it's armless enough.

Aboard

"My Jane's on a boat. She's aboard
A West Indian cruise," said Miss Ford.
"Jamaica?" I queried.
"Oh no," she said, wearied,
"She went of her own free accord."

Butter up

We butter up women (amen)
With our compliments, presents, but then:
Bertolucci's Last Tango —
How low can a man go?
So, butter's gone up once again!

Canine

A friend calls me up to disclose
That his canine (his dog) has no nose.
I ask, "How does it smell?"
Which invites him to tell
Me, "Just terrible, mate, as it goes."