Bedroom Manoeuvres

The war has started.

Really Susan? Well, what should I do, panic, rejoice, unearth my John Bull wellies and “Jingo” my way down the high street?

It’s momentous, Colin.

Everything is momentous. Your first breath, your first tooth; when you lost your virginity, wasn’t that momentous?

Not that I recall.

Well, it should have been.

I’ve got you to thank for that. You deflowered me, or have you forgotten.

Which war is it?

I don’t know. There are so many these days.

Whose side are we on?

The right one of course!

That’s okay then.

If you’d stop writing in your head for a while, you might notice more things.

But it was you who encouraged me to concentrate on my writings.

Not all the time, Colin! A pause now and then please. It’s...a bit perverse.

No more perverse than telling a chap that a war has started when he’s trying to be intimate.

I thought you’d stop sometimes. Now for example, while you’re inside me.

Ah, but you don’t know what I was writing in my head.

What?

I was narrating the explicit details of our latest coupling.

Do you mind if I eavesdrop?

If you’re up to it.

How far have you got?

I was just projecting my love spear through the heart of you womanhood.

In other words, you were fucking my brains out?

Exactly! But I’m not sophisticated enough to put it that way.

Am I enjoying it?

Powerfully. You keep whispering “fuck me.” Mouthing it wetly close to my head, as if you want to force the word down my ear with your tongue.

Do you think you could move a bit while you’re talking?

Move? Which way?

Well...in and out would seem appropriate.

Naturally....is that okay?

Just a smidgeon faster...a bit deeper....yes, that’s lovely. Nice rhythm. Are you sure your grandfather wasn’t a Swiss watchmaker?

Pure instinct, I assure you.

Those ballet lessons come in handy at a time like this. Loose hips are essential.

But I don’t take ballet lessons.

Mine, you idiot!

Oh, yes. Well, if messing around in a Toot Toot results in this, I'm all for it.

It's a tutu, not a car horn.

It looks damn silly, but produces the goods.

You just make sure your motor keeps running.

Nothing wrong with my motor, though the Missionary Position is a bit hard on the elbows.

Funny name when you think about it. I always associate missionaries with bibles and hymn singing, not frantic copulation.

Who's frantic? You just said I had a lovely rhythm!

Oh, you have, darling. Absolutely irresistible.

I should think so.You've got a Rolls Royce on the job here.

With a dash of Ferrari now and then, mmm?

As long as you keep things well lubricated.

All my juices are at you're service, you gorgeous hunk.

God, you must be getting worked up.

Hot and curious. What happens after you’ve skewered me with you’re dong weapon?

Ummm...I haven’t quite...got that far.

Typical man. All throb and poke!

No...it’s all right...I’ve got it....yes. After an impressive show of todger prowess, I head Southward to your dark bushels, cover your labia in Bunny kisses, encircle the encampment of cells dedicated to your orgasm, and suck them stupid.

What are Bunny kisses?

Difficult to describe, better to demonstrate.

Go on then.

I’ll start slowly...like this...then up a bit. How’s that?

Well...well, whatever you call it, it feels wonderful.

Good.

I never knew you had so much “fluffy tail” in you.

Can I just mention at this point, that you have the most kissable labia I’ve ever known.

Must be a terrible dilemma - whether to be a Casanova or a gynaecologist?

Their taste is only for a connoisseur.

Isn’t it about time you bushwhacked my clit?

Right ho....mmmmmmm....alright?

Dreamy....like being vacuumed by an Angel.

About the war...are we winning?

Who cares?

Well, suppose I’m called up to fight?

You won’t be, you’ve got flat feet. Just keep sucking.

That doesn’t exempt you these days.

Then I’ll write a note to the P.M. saying your prick is needed at home. Suck!

I don’t even know who we’re fighting?

Ooohhh...now, suck it really hard!

In the midst of battle, no idea of which enemy bearing down...very distracting.

I’m sure they can...arrange a...a...ceasefire while I’m......coming.

I might get shot!

Colin!

Oww, that’s my head you’re squeezing!

If you don’t stop going on about the bloody war, purse your lips and suck me off this instant, you’ll be up before a firing squad for desertion of my fanny!

Sorry

Mmmm, in situations like this, it’s better if you do the sucking and I do the talking. Oohhh...how can someone with such thin lips suck so beautifully? Ohh...oh god...I’m on the rise...ooohhhh...lift off!

I led a misspent youth, sucking on sherbet dips.

Mmmmm...it’s like wind surfing on a rainbow...mmmm...aahhh. All my body cells are partying at the same time. I...tell you something...if...if there aren't any orgasms in heaven, I'm not going. Simply tremendous!

The power of Bunny Kisses.

I'm convinced. So...what happens after you’ve rammed my womb up past my tonsils, sucked my clit to petrification, and sent me into orbit?

Well...that’s a bit delicate.

Colin, this is hardly the time or place to be coy. There’s a juicy, rain coated, fantasy stomping around in that head of yours. Let’s hear it.

Umm...okay...if you insist.

I do.

Well...to put it bluntly...you eh...I mean, you go down and start Bunny Kissing on my...

Yes.

And...ahh...I get all worked up and...

Go on.

Sort of...putting it honestly...

Y-e-s.

I fill you up with lashings of creamy, wriggly spermatozoa; fresh as Gold Top, and tasty as a milky bar!

Is that what you’ve been fantasising about-me taking a swig of your “bollock milk”?

Pardon?

Just getting into the swing of it. Well...is it?

Susan...I...well...sort of...a bit...

I’ve never tasted your “do-ins.”

I didn’t think you wanted to.

I bet I can Bunny Kiss better than you. And I’ve got thicker lips. Just...don’t mention the war.

Wowww Susan, where did you...?

You had sherbet dips, I had sticks of rock. I could suck them right up to breaking point....just like I’m doing now.

You can’t see it, but I assure you that pure steam is rolling off my head!

At least it keeps your mind off hostilities. How’s it going with the Gold Top?

I think...I’m sure...I’m absolutely bloody positive that a...delivery...is... imminent!

Mmmmmmmm.

Christ! That was...was what you call...absolutely bloody marvellous!

Yes...well...I must admit I’ve never swallowed anything quite like that.

Just call me “The Milky Bar Kid.”

More like warmed up wallpaper paste frankly. Still, it’s better than being in the trenches.

I thought we weren’t going to mention the....

Quite right Colin. Let’s stick to words beginning with F or S.

Oh, like funerals or sanitary installations?

Or fannies and sensual sucking!

You’ve really got the feel for it now.

Let’s keep it in mind for the next time. We’ve done enough manoeuvres for one night.

Will the war last long?

Who knows?

Things might be in short supply.

Never mind, Colin. They can’t ration Bunny Kisses, so we’ll be all right.