20.11.2011 - Remember Me

By Shannan

Sun, 20 Nov 2011

937 reads

3 comments

I was here,
I swear I was,
On this day,
It's obvious!

Check the date on this site,
Believe me it's true, see?
The date is there
For the world to view.

How else can I prove
That I was here?
Little me, one day, a big world,
Today - me - now - here.

I was breathing
Believe me it's true
I put up this poem remembering you,
Hoping: You'll remember me too...

Comments

shannon, Your poetic

Permalink Submitted by Leander42 on Sun, 2011-11-20 18:48

shannon, Your poetic structure is good - but your subject matter is too personal so the reader can't identify fully with the sadness. My advice, for what its worth (and I'm not a published poet) is to let time pass from personal events in your life and write from a distance. Then again, I'm a struggling poet who would kill for a meal if he didn't have a day job.

I forgot to add, the signs

Permalink Submitted by Leander42 on Sun, 2011-11-20 18:49

I forgot to add, the signs are there...there's a poet in you if you work at it.

Thanks for your comments Lea

Permalink Submitted by Shannan on Thu, 2011-11-24 13:02

Thanks for your comments Lea - I write when the moment is there... don't have any training with regards to structures and rhythms and so on I'm afraid. It's often a few minutes here and there. I only started this 'put them on a website thing recently', years worth of scribbles are in my bookshelves! He He I won't subject you to all that ;-)- I put this one up because I had the one day to commemorate the one day :-) and it only made sense on that day. Keep well.