26.12.12 for the end of 2012

I met with a friend for coffee today and she brought up a very interesting observation. She has two halves to her family; she spent Christmas Eve with her step mother’s family and Christmas Day with her mother’s family. Now there are four generations on each side.

Christmas eve… when her stepmother's aunt hit menopause had a huge fall out with her niece… then when her stepmother hit menopause she was incredibly difficult too and ended up phoning my friend’s step cousin and having a right go at her for no justifiable reason whatsoever… now the step cousin has children of her own too. So all four generations were at the eve gathering and my friend said you could cut the air with a knife at times because there was so much tension and embedded anger, guilt, hurt and pain between the generations and the actions of the 'elders'. She noticed how forced the conversation was and how difficult it was for her to be in the room. She knew about the family history because she had become really close to her step cousin since her Dad’s marriage a few years ago, but this was the first time she had experienced it first hand. It turns out that even though there are decades between the various incidents, no one has ever apologised, or believes that they are wrong. Each one of the women are holding on to a huge deal of pride. 'Pride' being an excessive sense of one’s own importance. My friend’s step cousin has said that she is not going to carry on the bitterness and literal sickness of the women above her and that she will make sure that when her turn comes she will never lose her humility, because she is convinced that her aunt and great aunt are building cancer in themselves.

The interesting part came in for my friend when she went to Christmas Day with her mother’s family. She was asked how Christmas Eve had gone and she diplomatically said it was very tense and nothing seemed to flow naturally, like there was something invisible suffocating the air. She then proceeded to ask her mother and great aunt if it was in her family genes to turn nasty at menopause. The response was laughter and she was told, very definitely, but they had managed to get through it afterwards by apologising to anyone who had suffered in their paths at the time. Her family, were very relaxed and open in discussing some of the mistakes they had made and how the process had been fairly simple to patch up. When that guilty feeling was in them, they made sure they got rid of it through the only avenue possible, asking for forgiveness, and sincerely apologising, clearing the air whenever necessary. My great aunt told my friend that her soul will always tell her when something is wrong and if she wants to move on with her life and her relationships in a positive way, then she needs to hold onto honesty and humility, and realise that there is a much bigger picture that she was part of. Pride has no place in healthy relationships, nor does hierarchy or any-archy she could think of! Her great aunt said that if anyone in a family thinks themselves more important than another, then they are in for a very very lonely ride, because no one is going to stick around negative energy for long, the soul simply can’t handle the claustrophobia.

When my friend spoke to me today, I totally understood her observation and told her not to worry, because, like her family ignoring issues, other families do the same thing. I agreed with her, that we would not be passing that approach onto the generations to come.