When Does It Stop?

I’m playing with fire,
With physical desire.
Playing games in my mind
With too much free time.

With these thoughts and fantasies
I hurt myself voluntarily.
Concocting associative connotations
Creating my own mind manipulations.

All these uncontrollable aches,
One for each and every mistake.
Feeling every one I’ve made,
Goodness knows I’ve surely paid.

Urge after urge;
Each uncontrollable surge;
When I least expect;
The overwhelming effect.

Being human, feeling fake,
Living mistake after mistake.
Taking it at life’s chosen pace,
Each day its very own wake.

How do I get this to end?
And let my life amend?
Because there’s only I and me
Living in confused intensity.