THE DOG PARK

ABOUT THE AUTHOR.

     First and foremost, I am happily retired at seventy-one. It's a little late to start writing, but that’s the beautiful thing about writing. There are no age restrictions. I hope this little blurb will encourage other seniors to take writing flight. My story won’t be the next Harry Potter, but it’s fun. I’m just an ordinary human trying to stay ahead of things. I watch my grandkids in their respective sports. I write, skate, play chess online and make homemade soups. This is my life, and I love it. I have always wanted to write, but life gets complicated in a good way. 

     I always have the same answer when people ask me how I am doing. God has seen fit to keep me on this earth.

SIDNEY BOLIVAR

THE DOG PARK ( A parody)

This Big Dog has a different account of creation.

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth for his future DOGS.

About 4.5 billion years ago, a 36.8-billion-acre(148924316.34432sq.km) DOG PARK was formed. The first pups, Adam and Eve, were explicitly created about 1.5 – 2 million years ago. I called the Paddock, where Adam & Eve romped and played the Confederacy. The Paddock had other four-legged creatures—rabbits, Deer, Squirrels, and birds. I could talk about many things in the Paddock Garden, but I will focus on Adam and Eve. They were pure as fresh fallen snow—one white, one black. I gave Adam and Eve One Rule. Do not eat the food in the golden dish. One day, for some reason, Eve took some food out of the golden dish and brought some extra for Adam. I was furious. I called them over and sat them in front of me. Adam wanted to shake a paw. They knew I was ANGRY.

“ADAM…. EVE…. THIS IS YOUR CREATOR. I HAVE GIVEN YOU EVERYTHING. I HAVE SHELTERED YOU. I HAVE FED YOU. I HAVE GIVEN YOU THIS LARGE PADDOCK. You have broken my trust. I have two options. One: I can euthanize Eve. Two: I can euthanize you both and start this creation thing over, or I can throw you both out of the Paddock.” My compassion consumed my anger, and I gave them their leave. I walked them to the Paddock gate and banished them forever. I locked the gate and turned my back. Tears were rolling down my cheeks. I permanently closed the Confederate Paddock when I turned my back on Adam and Eve.

What Adam and Eve didn’t know was I was watching over them. Adam and Eve wandered for years, foraging for what they could. They didn’t know how to hunt, fish, or do anything that would sustain themselves. They were at the mercy of the land, but somehow, they managed to dig out an existence. They were ready to have their pups. Eve gave birth to a healthy litter of females and males. Cain, Able, Seth, and their sisters helped the survival of the DOG. The population grew from two to seven billion since those first pups. To control the population in the Confederacy, I sterilized, improvised, and euthanized. I know the names of all 7 billion. I monitor them daily but try not to alter fate.

Around 90 years ago, I had a dog named Hitler who was born to two Dachshunds: HANS & HELGA. He had an uneventful upbringing, and then he snapped. He tried to euthanize all the Isradians in the dog park. I had to euthanize him eventually.  Even though the original dogs were pure and without hate, the interbreeding over the past two million years has dramatically altered the gene pool. There have been multiple mutations over time.  Many mongrels now roam the dog park in the Confederacy. The top dog is J.D. Pure pedigrees are hard to find. The primordial dog paddock has become highly overcrowded. Food and water have become scarce. It wasn’t my doing. I had given the park the necessary ingredients to survive.

I have a dog in the Confederacy named Putin. He is an alpha dog. His eyes are permanently dilated. His Pitbull breed has a lot to do with it. As history has proven, I should have euthanized him when I had the chance. I was always trying to find the good in him. In the end, there was nothing I could do for him. He is the devil. I also have a dog named Xi, a Chongqing—so many deformities in this breed. I also have a young, terrorizing Jindo pup named Kim. These three take up most of my time.  PUTIN is a demon—cast out from the Confederacy along with Xi and Kim for trying to poison Adam and Eve. He finally left my care and was relocated to his own Paddock, The Red Empire. He ruled with a heavy paw, euthanizing anyone who got in his way. His worst dogs, Xi and Kim, became his guard dogs.

Putin’s most recent diabolical act was to attack the S.S.R. Paddock. Putin stood beside the neighbouring paddock fence and snarled at the mix of dogs minding their business. He was obsessed with making this paddock his. One early morning, his mongrels, including Mussel, Lucas, Xi, Kim and more of Putin’s mutts, went on a special mission, forcefully entering the S.S.R. paddock, and stole all the food so the paddock would starve during the cold winter. I don’t intervene that often, but this needed my attention. I replenished the S.S.R. food supply and lent them my two guardian dogs. The dogs were true patriots.

Dog mutations were on the rise. Mental illness was also on the rise.  More Mongrels than purebreds were left in the population. I cast out a lot of special Mongrels to a tiny paddock I called Mongaza. I moved over 190,000 from part of Confederacy Park to another fenced-in paddock. There was a mixture of giant breeds and miniature breeds. I monitored but never interfered. The big dogs were torturing and maiming the little dogs. Over time, the big dogs prevailed. The little dogs were detained in locked cages and were continuously preyed upon by the bigger dogs. The bigger dogs were rare Rottan dogs—a cross between Canaan and Rottweiler. Over Ninety percent of the Males were neutered as pups and radicalized to become attack dogs.

The big dogs in Mongaza were tired of being locked up and controlled by the neighbouring primal mastiff's offspring of Abraham and Sarai. They were frustrated by the years of shock collars. One early morning, without warning, they jumped the protective walls surrounding Isradiah and attacked in numbers. Many Isradians were euthanized. Many were put into cages and herded back to Mongaza. The big dog in Isradiah, Netty, gnashed his teeth.  He stood on the hillside overlooking Telavivid and summoned his pack of loyal misfits. There was a full moon on the horizon. Netty stood tall above the rest and promised to euthanize every last ROTTAN DOG.

Netty ordered his misfits to attack Mongaza. They gathered at the north end of Mongaza. The pack numbered in the thousands. Netty gave the order, and like the scene from THE GREAT WALL, tens of thousands of his misfits thundered into Mongaza. The hoard of misfits galloped south, destroying everything and anything in their path. Mongaza was laid to ruin. The Isradians had successfully fulfilled their mission of destroying the ROTTAN DOGS: PUPS, ADULT FEMALES, and ADULT MALES.

There have been a lot of new breeds in the past 300-400 years. I have a new breed, a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel named Donald. He does nothing but hang around the water dish and spread flees. He wants to purify the race. He told the paddock that all the gates had to be locked shut. All mongrels without papers would be sent back to their original paddock. His message closely mirrors another dog, HITLER. I must monitor Donald because he’s a little whack-a-mole. 

THE DOG PARK EXPERIMENT CAME TO AN ABRUPT END IN 2050. Paddock Dogs have been infected with the virus that causes MORBID-23. All females and males under the age of 15 died, leaving the PADDOCKS with no chance of replenishing the Paddock. Old age took the rest. I look down upon the empty PADDOCKS and weep.