About My Daughter...

Cherry

By Silver Spun Sand

Sat, 12 Dec 2015
  • 4038 reads
14 comments
 
About My Daughter...
 
something I’ve wanted to ask for eight long years;
why, in heavens name, take her at all, but if you had to,
why that day?
 
I didn’t think it would have been that evening...not
that soon. No sign from above, no nothing.
 
Her dad only visited that morning and she was OK...
quite good for her, he’d said.
 
Why the haste? Why not the next afternoon? 
I'd planned to be there then, at the hospice, 
being New Year's Day.
 
You must have known.
 
Why that particular night?  Cruel or what; 
celebrations all around?  Fireworks exploding
in other people’s gardens, in other people’s lives.
 
Why weren’t the champagne corks popping
where she was?  Why no Bollinger...
why no posh crystal flutes?
 
Why water and a tacky, plastic cup?
 
Reminds me of when she was thirsty as a child, 
and I’d go to her room, sit on her bed, reach out
through the darkness with a drink.
 
So, I ask you, why was she the one to do it that night?
 
Why her sister’s hand she held at the end?  Why not mine? 
 
A question I’ve asked myself, more times
than there were grains of sand 
on Holcombe Beach...
 
that hot afternoon in July – when all that mattered
in the whole wide world was a little girl with a bobble-hat on...
and a paper kite to fly...
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Comments

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

So many things you can't know. And there can never be a best time for everyone, probably. But she did have her sister with her, many probably have no-one, and much love - far more worthwhile than fireworks and champagne. And that is not diminishing the sadness, and I suppose, anger. Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on

At least...at most, her sister was there.  Indeed.

Many thanks for your empathy, Rhiannon

Tina

 

Submitted by Philip Sidney on

And that hot afternoon will last forever - I see it.  So sad, so touching.

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on

How right you are...about that afternoon.  Thankfully.

 

Submitted by loquaciousicity on

Too sad to comment further...

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on

Terry - you just said it all.  Thank you.

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

As I read this Tina, I found it so moving. I can understand your saddness at not being able to say your final goodbye, you can only hope that she understood, but knew she couldn't hang on that little bit longer, I'll bet she was thinking about you always and wherever she is, she's now at rest.

Take care.

Jenny.

 

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on

I beat myself up so many times, Jenny, and I don't think I will ever stop, even though I know what you say is true.  

Tina

 

Submitted by catherine poarch on

I think you've been saying goodbye ever since in all these beautiful poems. Each one is a gift to her. Without meaning to sound trite I'm sure she reads them. The grains of sand on the beach and the picture of the little girl on the beach with the kite is stunning.

 

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on

'Each one...a gift to her'.

Catherine you just put something into words I have been trying to explain to myself for the last eight years.  Thank you is not enough, but must suffice, for now at least..

Tina

 

Submitted by Starfish Girl on

What a wonderful image you have preserved in words Tina, the sadness of the beginning compared with the happiness the sweet memory of the end.

You have so many beautiful memories of your daughter, and I know so many sad ones.

Lindy

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on

You are so right about those memories, Lindysmiley

Tina

 

Submitted by Bee on

Dear Tina,

I don't think there's any getting away from the feeling that there was a last opportunity to be there and we missed it. Just keep being thankful her dear hand was held with such love. And your love too, was with her to her last breath and beyond. From all you've written, I feel confident she would have known it. 

x

Bee

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on

I do so hope you are right, dear Bee.  You are right, indeed, about that hand, though. They became so very close and it was a joy and a blessing to witness.  

Tina x