The [whether] Girl

By sincerelyme

Tue, 11 Nov 2008
  • 731 reads
1 comments
 

You did it now.
Her skin, eyes and mouth included, have frozen over as the supposed puddles you don't believe in have turned into black ice.
That phone call went through her eustachian tube, making its way down her larynx straight into her lungs - much like the smoke you inhale - until it chokes her and her nerves render her into an epileptic illusion of shakes.
The closet is completely open, only you've been looking under her bed.
And now that your door is open...
finally open,
how is she supposed to react?
The notes are ablaze, the gifts are as well (if not literally than in her eyes) but the heat isn't warm enough to make her the same again.

Certificate PG
Poem
Love

Comments

Submitted by jennifer on
If this is a poem, write it as a poem, not prose! It has so much potential - potential that cannot be seen due to a lack of structure. Some superb ideas here: 'the notes are ablaze' - yes! and the phonecall going into her lungs! But the tenses need sorting as well. Try again, I want to love this.