Dear Diary Some Days In My Life Time To Reminisce

As I look back remembering, there was a time when I was at school I would shy away from danger or the unpredictable, having been ridiculed and picked on because of my timid, sensitive nature, but here I was at fifteen, walking out of school for the last time. My last year of education hadn't been too bad, we were given more freedom to express our feelings. I felt like the teachers made more of an effort to listen to me...just wish it had been like that the rest of my school life. This didn't change my attitude towards education though, in fact I was so glad to leave, I took all my school books into the woods behind our house, finding great pleasure in setting fire to them all, watching page after page go up in flames and finally turning to ash. I never regretted doing it for one moment, not even to this day.

Dad got the evening post every day, he was determined I should get a job as soon as possible, it was completely out of my hands. We would go through the job section every night with lots of choices, back then in 1970, jobs weren't hard to come by. Dad found an advert for a junior copy typist, needed for a car assessors company. I rang up and made an appointment for an interview, it was a bit embarrassing, because my Dad insisted on coming to the interview with me, but it didn't seem to put the manager off, who I found to be fascinating, he had one of those handlebar moustaches that curled at the ends into a point, I thought it made him look very destinguished. I did enjoy working there and remember many happy moments with the other ladies in the office. It was good to be earning money and uniting with the adult world at last. My spirits rose like a phoenix from the ashes, from the torment I'd been through during my distressing time as a pupil, this would be a walk in the park I was sure.

The first thing I did for leisure after leaving school, was to join a local drama group, which my dad had discovered in the daily paper. At first I was apprehensive, not that I didn't want to participate, but I was still suffering ridicule from those that taunted me. But being determined not to let them get to me, I was on my way to a better future. Catching the bus to Seamills which was a short ride from my house, I could think of nothing else but turning round and going home, but then I kept saying over and over; 'Jenny you're not a quitter,' and my love of drama guided me on.

The building itself wasn't that big, just your normal average sized community centre. As you walked Inside, there was an entrance, then the toilet was on the left and changing room was the door to the right, which led into a large hall with a stage. At the back of the stage...as I recall there were stairs leading down into the area, where we'd transform into our characters, it was large and spacious with plenty of room for a lot of actors, the excitement had us running around trying not to be too nervous, as we prepared to enter stage left and right.

Some times we'd have weekend workshops, they were fun because it gave us the opportunity to loose our inhibitions, not being afraid to express ourselves, putting our trust in each other. We'd get so lost in what we were doing on those weekends, it was easy to forget that there was a world out there.

Many parties would be held at peoples houses to celebrate the end of a week of pantomimes and plays, where we'd spend a lot of time drinking and singing to Wishbone Ash and other groups of the time, dancing and getting crazy was our aim. We also used have beach parties somewhere near Weston and Brean sands. One of the guys would play his guitar – I cannot recall his name, but he was so good.

A couple who were also part of the drama group, would have parties at their house and those nights linger in my mind. Every time I smell patchouli oil, it reminds me of those parties, as we'd smother ourselves in the stuff. Some of the others would get high, but that wasn't my thing at the time, so I'd just get drunk, ending up on the floor somewhere at 3 am, listening to Bridge Over Troubled Water, by Simon and Garfunkel surrounded by other bodies.

Some of my favourite memories, are of putting on performances at Ashton Court's Sunken garden in Bristol. We put on many Shakespeare plays. I played a lady in waiting, when we performed Twelve Night, it wasn't a big part, but I was pretty new to drama at that point, so it suited me down to the ground, I was just eager to be a part of something very special.

My starring moment came, when I got a leading part in...A Murder has been Arranged, by Emlyn Williams. I played the part of Mrs Arthur, having the special recommendation from a newspaper reporter, saying that I'd go far, but sadly that was as far as I went...still it was nice to have my picture in the paper and a good write up.

It was as if my confidence had suddenly sprung to life and anything was possible. Drama taught me how to overcome my fears and not listen to the negative aspects of life, just enjoy the moment then let it go whether good or bad.

I remember taking part in Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves, caking our faces and bodies in heavy make up every day for a week, then having to bath every night, the water turning a deep murky brown, as I washed the greasepaint from my skin, it became a ritual that I didn't look forward to but it was a necessity. I had to wear a two piece with my belly showing, I was so distressed, because feeling fat I didn't want people laughing at me. Sitting down in the dressing room on the first night crying, my whole body shook at the thought of the audience staring at me and their reactions. Finally the director came down and wondered what the hell I was sobbing about. I told him my dilemma, expecting to get sympathy, but instead he said.

“Get up on that stage...or get out NOW!”

He spoke in such a way I was quite taken aback and a bit frightened, there was no way I wanted to leave, having had such a great time and met so many new friends. In the end I have to say thank you to our director, who not only shocked me into action, but from that moment on I never was in fear of an audience again.

It was through drama that I met my friend, who was now working at the Motel in Tenby. We'd become soul mates and had a lot in common, laughing about the same things, sharing the same interest in music and an adventure for life, believing that our imaginations could take us anywhere, though I think she took more chances than I did, unafraid of travelling to other lands on her own and working her way across country, sometimes with no money, how she did it I'll never know.

My Dad did come around to the idea of me going to Tenby in the end, I think perhaps it was because finally they'd have the house to themselves, I really couldn't wait to leave home anyway.

How I wished I still had my trusty Hillman Imp, it was in situations like this, that I regretted selling my car, though at the time I needed the money desperately, I hated relying on the parents. Dad took me to Tenby for the interview. It was a quiet journey there, in which my thoughts were many.

I wondered about my friend in Tenby and how she was getting on. Having the ability to read my mind, we would look at each other and burst out laughing for no real reason, other than we both saw the funny side to any given situation.

One day we'd gone to the pub in Severn Beach with her parents and mine. They lived in a caravan, that was situated very close to the river. Anyway not wanting to sit in the pub with the grown ups, we took our pints of lager outside and sat on the wall in the lane, there we were perched like a couple of yokels, her in a hippy skirt and cheesecloth top, me in my flares and blue drawstring tea shirt, with my colourful patchwork jacket that I loved so much, I'd wear it everywhere.

The pub was down a country lane, with woods at the back of where we sat. Our imaginations ran riot that night, as we imagined strange creatures lurking in those trees. There was an elemental feeling of mystery, where every movement seemed like there were fairy creatures watching us...I think it had a lot to do with the lager, for we embraced the situation. But then as it got darker, we did actually become frightened when we heard movement in the undergrowth right by us the other side of the wall, so we headed back into the pub for more refreshments giggling to ourselves.

Finally we reached my destination. The Motel was close to the sea, which pleased me no end. The air felt so much more cleaner than home. Dad left me to it, saying he was going for a walk, so as I entered the owners living quarters, I was surprised at how small her place was, there was a hallway that led into a small living area, then a small kitchen. Down the hallway there were two smaller bedrooms and a larger one. Opposite the nursery where the baby slept, was a tiny bathroom with all the baby paraphernalia, of nappies soaking in a bucket. I caught whiffs of baby talc and bubble bath, all those usual baby smells.

After a lot of questions, filling me in on what my job would entail, she showed me to my chalet where I'd be living, and didn't hesitate to ask me when I could start. I began work there the following weekend and caught the train from Temple Meads down to Tenby, I felt quite alone, the train ride down was quiet and gave me time to reminisce.

To be continued...