Countryside (spoiled)

Cherry

By smokejack

Fri, 20 Oct 2017
  • 1088 reads
3 comments
 

Thorny hedges

Uncut grass

Smell of rain

And broken glass

Scattered by the road

A soaking piece of paper

Ink crawling off its edge

I see a single sparrow

Peeping through the hedge

It’s early in the morning

Slowly rises the mist

In amongst the nettles

Lies an empty bag of crisps

I cut through the field

Along the beaten path

A mother cow is wary

Standing next to its calf

Dandelions droop

As if hanging heads in shame

Flattened by a cider bottle

Whose brand I refuse to name

I reach the private lake

Where the reeds grow tall

I hear the throaty squeal

Of a moorhen’s call

As it swims out of sight

Small waves appear

Carrying a can of sprite

A Yew Tree seems to sigh

Water squelches beneath my boots

There’s a few empty fast food boxes

Surrounding the Yew Tree’s roots

There isn’t a takeaway for miles

I think about the throwaway life

Coffee cups and Red Bull cans

Supposedly energy suppling drinks

That can’t put life in the hands

Of the littering imbibers

Who can’t put their rubbish

Into a bin.

 

©JMcN2017

 

Certificate U
Poem
Nature

Comments

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

I whole heartedly agree with your poem, some humans should have more respect.

Jenny.

 

Submitted by PoppyS on

My exact feelings and thoughts, I live rurally and wonder at the attitude of some, not are all young either I saw a woman in her 60s wind down her car window and throw a can of coke onto the road.

The couuntrside is beautiful and animal life fragile (and I could rant, on and on) angry

I loved the flow of this piece like a good paced walk taking in all the valid points.

Pops ~xx~

Writing is art in pictures – Go paint poetry!

Submitted by Ed Crane on

This has excellent potential, however I noticed a few lines could be trimmed to improve flow

for example:

It’s the early morning

Slowly rising in the mist

In amongst the nettles

An empty bag of crisps

----

A few empty fast food boxes

Surround the Yew Tree’s roots

Also the last seven lines could be tidied up, especially the final statement, which seem out of sync. with the rest of the flow.

It maybe a helpful to the reader to put in some punctuation as well.

I hope you don't mind me "tinkering" with your excellent piece, but it spells such an important message it would be a pity not to "polish it until it shines." laugh