Break the Child: Chapter Thirty-Seven: big White Teeth and Fake Smiles

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Janet Denton had big white teeth and she smiled all the time. She had a silver teddy bear broach on the lapel of her jacket. That must be to show that she worked with children so she must be a nice lady. Miss Wilson was a police lady, but she didn’t have a uniform or handcuffs or anything. She wasn’t the one doing the writing, she just smiled and watched and didn’t say much, maybe that was on account of not having a teddy badge so not being good with kids as much.

‘Relax Katie, we’re not here to tell you off and you won’t get your mum in trouble, we just want to look at how things are going and see what we can do to help you all as a family. Now we’re not going to bother with any formal stuff, it’s just a little chat.’

Janet made a show of putting her writing pad and pen down.

‘You can call me Janet, and this is Paige.’

I didn’t want to have a chat, and I didn’t want to call them Janet and Paige. You didn’t get to call police people by their proper names on the telly, and it might be a trick and they were just waiting for me to call her Paige so that they could arrest me.

I wanted my mum. Andy was coming today, and people wanted to ask me questions when I just wanted to look after my mum. I was excited to see Andy, but I was more worried about her. And I’m a bit scared of her too. I didn’t mind her hitting me. It wasn’t her fault, but I was still scared to see her, and I have to stop being scared and just be there to help her. I have to be brave, but I don’t feel brave. Today should be the best day ever—but I’ve got a fractured skull because my mum beat me up and dad beat Mum up and she’s hurt too and was all such a mess.

‘So, Katie, how do you feel about meeting your new baby brother later today?’ Janet was the only one talking at me.  

I shrugged.

‘You must be so excited. I’ve got a little girl, she’s called Alana and she’s two.’

I didn’t mean to be awful, but I didn’t care about Alana. I didn’t know why she’s telling me all this stuff about her life, because it’s not my life is it? It’s not the same. She didn’t know what’s it’s like having somebody new in your mum’s body. If I was talking to her in the shop or on a bus it’d be good to hear about Alana `cause kids are cute and all that, but I wasn’t on the bus.

I didn’t say anything.

There’s this thing that I’ve heard about called Selective Mutism, sometimes it’s part of that PTSD thing that soldiers get, but usually it’s about kids that have been hurt by somebody. They just stop talking—just like that, after years of talking something bad happens to them and they just stop and sometimes they don’t say another word for years.

She was still talking about stuff and asking me about my friends, but I was thinking about being selective mute. It would be cool not having to talk because then I couldn’t say anything wrong if I didn’t say anything at all.  If mum hadn’t gone mad, and Andy wasn’t coming, I might not say anything—but if all that hadn’t happened, my mum would still be my mum and she’d never have hit me—not ever in a million, trillion years.

And she’d be laughing at me and shouting, ‘Katie, find the off switch, don’t you ever stop talking?’

But I can’t have anything wrong with me now. I’m going to need to have words and everything working properly. I can’t be ill at all because it’s just going to be Dad and Mum and Andy and me—and I’ve got to keep Andy safe. I’ve got to. Baby’s have a soft head. His little head couldn’t…his little head.

‘What do you think about that Katie?’

I didn’t think anything about anything, I just wanted to see my mum and I didn’t care if she hurts me again because being with her, and her hitting me is better than being in this bed and not being there. I didn’t know what Janet just said to me and I couldn’t keep not talking because they might think that with having a fractured skull, I’ve got dementia too and if they thought I’m crazy they wouldn’t let me help with Andy.

So, I answered her question, but I didn’t know what it was.

I just muttered, ‘Good.’

‘I think it’s good too, Katie, see this isn’t so bad, is it?’

That’s fine then, we all think it’s good.

‘So, what were you doing yesterday when Mum came into your room?’

‘Dunno.’

‘Tell me about your bedroom Katie, What colour is it? Do you have lots of nice things of your own?’

‘Suppose.’

‘What’s your favourite thing in the whole world?’

‘Dunno.’

She gave a little shake of her head to the police lady called Paige and she must have thought I was blind not to see it. I blinked, just to make sure I still had two eyes because I forgot to check them. I was glad that I have, but lots of people can manage okay with just one, so I wouldn’t have been mad with Mum If I’d lost one eye. I could feel that they were both all swollen and puffy and I could only see a little bit out of slits at the bottom of them.

‘I’ll tell you what sweetheart, we’re going to let you get some sleep now before your baby bother comes. You want to be your best for that, don’t you.’

My best? Was she mad?—Was everybody mad in the whole world? I looked at my dad who was allowed to sit in the corner of the room as long as he didn’t say anything. He gave me a thumbs up—but I’ve never seen him looking so sad. And he hadn’t shaved. Even all way over there in the bed, I could see the hairs growing on his chin. I just wanted him to give me a cuddle and kiss to take it all away and I didn’t even care if he was bristly.

They left without asking anything about my mum. Has my Mum got dementia because my bedroom’s painted green? I thought about that for a minute, but I can’t see how it would have anything to do with it.

I don’t ever want to speak ever again—but I can’t be quiet when I see Sal because I’ve got so much to tell her.