Break the Child: Chapter Twenty-nine: Cherry Red Gym Skirt

Chapter Twenty-Nine

It’s my birthday and I need to go to bed because I’m so tired and it’s after two in the morning. My dad’s never let me stay up this late before and he let me have a glass of wine, too. I didn’t like it much, but I pretended that I did because Danny was there. And now see, I’m getting ahead of myself. I want to tell it in the proper order, but I’m drunk on happiness and I’ve got so many words in my head that are all fighting to come out all in a big messy lump. I can’t write it all tonight or I won’t get any sleep at all and I can’t decide which thing to write  about. And how can you sleep when you’ve got bubbles of happiness popping in your stomach?  I’ll tell you about Mum tomorrow because I can’t write about it without crying my eyes out and I’ve done enough of that already today.

I’m a kid, it’s my birthday, or it was two hours ago, and I’m just going to tell you about what happened without the massive thing that my Mum did. I got up and they were in the kitchen. Dad said Mum had been up since six and as there was no point in trying to go back to sleep, he’d got her bathed and ready. She wet the bed again this morning for the second time. But it was okay because Dad bought a new mattress after last time and he’s got a plastic cover on it. And when he went to the hospital for one of mum’s appointments, they gave him some long bits of sheet that go across the bed where her bum is, they’re called draw sheets. Then on top of that he has paper ones too, it can’t be very nice for Dad to sleep on, but he says that sleeping on tracing paper is better than waking up thinking that he’s in a swimming pool.

            Dad wished me a happy birthday and gave me a kiss as soon as I walked in and Mum got all upset and started crying. Dad said to her. ‘Annie, aren’t you going to wish our Kate a happy birthday, she’s fourteen today?

            ‘Is she?’ Mum said, ‘Many happy returns of the day, my darling.’ She stood up and cuddled me really tight and then I noticed that her shoulders were shaking, and she was clinging to me and wouldn’t let go. She started sobbing really loud. I tried to get her to let go of me, but she wouldn’t. She just clung on howling. Dad came over and finally got her off me. ‘It’s all right Annie. It’s all right, love, come and sit back down. See, I’ve made you a nice cup of tea. He sat her down and put the cup in front of her.

            Mum picked it up and threw it across the kitchen. It smashed and hot tea splashed all down the wall. She throws things a lot now, but we don’t make a fuss about it because that makes her worse. Dad says it’s because she gets frustrated. He buys cheap mugs from Asda and we’ve put what’s left of the good ones away. The hospital said that we should use plastic stuff for Mum, and Dad said to them, ‘Believe me, this is no picnic.’ That was a joke on account of picnic hampers.

He said that she isn’t a child and he won’t treat her like one. He still doesn’t get it that she really is just like one and we have no choice but to treat her that way for her own good. Well, he does get it, but he’s stubborn.

             It’s not all right. It’s not all right,’ Mum sobbed. ‘I’ve forgotten my little girl’s ninth Birthday,’

I don’t know where she got that from, Dad clearly said I’m fourteen two minutes before that.

 ‘I’m a terrible mother. Have I been drinking?’ she asked, and it made us laugh because Mum hardly ever used to drink and now she doesn’t at all. Crikey, she’s loopy enough without alcohol.

 ‘I forgot my little girl’s birthday. I forgot my little girl’s birthday.’

            ‘No Annie, you didn’t. We’ve got presents for her. You picked them. Its okay, love, you didn’t forget.’

            ‘What didn’t I forget dear?’ she asked, giving him a big wide smile. She still had tears on her cheeks, but she didn’t seem to notice them.’

            ‘It’s Kate’s birthday, Annie.’ I cringed because I thought we might go through the whole rigmarole again. I wish he’d just said ‘Nothing, love,’ like he usually does.

            ‘Is it your birthday, dear, how lovely.’ She clapped her hands and smiled at me like it was the most exciting thing ever. ‘It’s my birthday, too?’

            I looked at Dad, ‘No, Annie, it isn’t your birthday, darling. We’re going to give Kate her presents in a minute and then we’re going to go out for lunch, won’t that be nice.’

            ‘I’m hungry. Why haven’t you given me any dinner?’ Dad sighed and went upstairs to get my presents.

            I opened them while Mum looked as excited as me to see what I’d got. I couldn’t believe my main present. Dad joked that now that I’ve got a boyfriend I’ll need a better phone to keep in touch with him, and they’d got me a blackberry. It’s sick. I love it and couldn’t wait to transfer all of my numbers into it. Dad said it had to wait until after lunch because at this rate, we were never going to get out. I got some clothes. It was clear that Aunty Linda had picked them because left to Mum and Dad I dread to think what they’d look like, but they were great.

I got a pair of jeans and a sparkly black tee that says 100% Rock Chic, Guaranteed. Dad said the tee is hideous, which just shows how top it is. I got a pair of buckle down boots and a real leather jacket. Not like a biker jacket, a nice girly one that goes in at the waist and has slanty zip pockets.

            I got make-up and perfume, it’s that new one of Beyonce’s, oh, and I got Adele’s new album and a teddy. When I opened the teddy, Mum’s eyes lit up and, as soon as I put it on the table she snatched it up cuddling it to her and wouldn’t give it back. Dad said we’d get it off her before we went out; I hoped so because I wasn’t walking through town with my mother clutching a teddy bear to her.  I wondered where we were going. I couldn’t wait to get a shower and try on all my new stuff. I was excited for Danny to see me in it.

            But then just before I went to get ready, Dad gave me the best present of all. And it’s a good job that I didn’t have my new make-up on, because after that I couldn’t stop crying. Even in the shower the tears just wouldn’t stop. And my eyes are all filling up again now, just thinking about it, and I don’t want to talk about that tonight, I’m too happy.   

            I checked my phone when I got out of the shower and there was a text from Danny.

Happy Birthday. Cnt wait 2 c u. Love Danny xxx.

He said love. He didn’t write lv and he could have done, or he could have just said, from. But he said love and wrote all four letters and made the proper word. I read it, like, ten times before replying.

 thnx cnt wait 2 c u 2 xxx.

            When I came downstairs I brought my make-up remover with me. I told Mum that I was going to re-do her face for her and sort out her hair.

            A few weeks ago, me and Mum, Aunty Linda and Aunty Helen had a girlie night. Only it wasn’t really a girlie night, that’s just what Aunty Linda called it so that I wouldn’t be upset. But she made it a lot of fun and we had a laugh. She wanted to show me how to put Mum’s make-up on for her and show me some different hairstyles that I could do her hair in. I’ve got Mum ready a few times now and I’m getting quite good at it. When I was little, I had one of those heads that you put make-up on. Mum’s a bit like that really. She likes having it done and it calms her. When she’s having her make-up done or her hair brushed she seems to be able to get her thinking sorted in her head and we have some good chats.

            Dad had already put some make-up on her. It was all right, I mean, she didn’t look like a clown or anything, but she’d picked bright green eye-shadow and Dad had smudged it putting it on. Since her illness came, Mum really likes bright colours. I used my new make-up on her and gave her all-natural colours browns and cream, she looked really nice when I was finished.

            Flipping heck, am I ever going to be able to write about my birthday. I need to go to bed and I keep going off topic. I’m not even up to lunchtime yet.

            Finally, we were ready. I thought Dad’d be taking us to one of his favourite restaurants in town, but he said, ‘Right, you ready to go and eat some cardboard then?’

            ‘Eh? What are you on about?’ I said, laughing.

            ‘Well, if you don’t want to go to that awful Macdonalds place we can always go and eat some real food.’ I squealed. We almost never go to Maccie D’s, in fact, we never do, forget the ‘almost’. Maybe once every Millennium Dad takes us through the drive thru, but we’ve never been in to eat. It’s where all the cool kids from school hang out. And I had all my new clothes on, too. I was so excited—but then I remembered Mum, and I wished that it was just me and Dad. He saw my look and it was as if he could read my mind. I felt ashamed. He squeezed my hand.

            ‘Don’t worry Kate, it’ll be all right. I won’t let anything spoil your day.’

But he couldn’t stop it, could he? What if it was full of kids from my school and Mum went really nuts? Suddenly I didn’t want to go, but Dad was all happy and wanted to make it special for me.

In the car he was all jokey and mum was singing to the radio and I just knew that when she heard the music in Maccies she’d sing and she might even get up and dance, too. It was like being in a nightmare where you are having the best thing ever happen and then it turns into the worst thing ever. My Dad is all right. He’s still good-looking even though he’s in his thirties. And my Mum’s really pretty. I mean like, proper pretty, everybody says so. Before all this happened, I’d have been so proud and at school on Monday they’d all be coming up to me and saying, ’Wow Kate, your dad’s really fit.

            And I’d be saying, ‘No he isn’t, he’s minging.’

            And they’d be saying ‘And your Mum’s so pretty. I wish she was my Mum.’

            And I’d be saying, ‘She isn’t that pretty,’ and thinking that she really is and feeling all proud.

            While Dad was getting our food, I said I’d get us a table. I didn’t go upstairs where all the kids from my school hang out, I stayed downstairs where the mum’s with pushchairs sit and old men reading their newspapers. Dad came back and he knew, but he didn’t say anything. And it was nice, you know? We had a laugh and Mum didn’t do anything mad.

            But then Amanda Green and Jade Sumner came in. They were in the queue and they kept looking at us and saying stuff. They laughed a couple of times, but mostly they just whispered. When they got their food I just knew that if I hadn’t been sitting there with Mum, they would have gone straight upstairs. They might have waved or something, but they wouldn’t have come over. They did.

            ‘Hey, Kate, how ya doin’?’

            ‘Hey,’

            ‘Hey, Mr and Mrs Bell.’

            ‘Hello Girls,’ Dad said. ‘Kate, aren’t you going to introduce us to your friends?’

            ‘This is Manda and this is Jade. They are in 3c.’

            ‘Yes,’ Amanda went on, ‘we have double games with Kate on a Friday. We just thought we’d come over and say hello,’

            ‘Oh, I like games,’ Mum said. ‘I like hockey best. I play left wing, you know. I like my little cherry red games skirt and white…’Mum continued talking and I could see them trying not to laugh. Mum looked up at them, ‘Do you know Linda Robinson? She’s in your class.’ I cringed and just wanted to die. Dad saw my look and changed the subject.

 ‘It’s Kate’s Birthday today, girls. We’ve just come in for a bit of Birthday dinner, but if you ask me,’ he motioned to his box, ‘this is more like a punishment.’ They laughed, wished me a happy birthday and then said goodbye. For one awful minute, I thought Dad was going to invite them to join us. Thank God he didn’t.  They were giggling as they ran upstairs to tell the others. And they didn’t even know that Mum had said something mad. They didn’t know that Linda Robinson was mum’s grown up sister who left school, like, a million years ago, but they still laughed.

Dad winked at me. I know it’s something that I’ve got to get used to, but it’s hard, you know. We didn’t stay long after that. I’m so tired. I can’t keep my eyes open anymore. I think all my bubbles have finished popping now. I’ll write some more tomorrow.

             Wow, I’m fourteen.