Pedigree Crush With a Twist Of Passion: Chapter Thirty Seven

Chapter Thirty Seven
Simon had folded his underwear, his six pairs of shorts and six vests and six t-shirts and two hats and one pair of sunglasses and two pairs of sandals, and six pairs of underwear and six pairs of shorts and six pairs of underwear and six pairs of socks and six t-shirts and six pairs of underwear and six pairs of socks. Simon worried that he wouldn’t have enough clothes to wear in Spain. Connie told him that she does have a washing machine; you know, and wanted to take nearly all of Simon’s clothes back out of his suitcase. They had a big argue. Simon had a seizure. Simon won. Simon was worried that he wouldn’t have enough clothes to wear in Spain. Connie worried about breaking her back. She had taken him shopping because they were going on a big plane to Spain the next day, but first they were going to a really posh party that night and it was very special. Simon sang, ‘Oh my dear I’m ob to summy Spain, Eh biba Esbanya,’ until Connie told him that if he sang it just one more time, she’d put him on a different plane and book him into a different villa. But Simon knew that she was only joking. He was very excited. Connie had her own swimming pool and Simon could swim in it every day. Connie told him that she’d shout at him if he peed in it, though. He sometimes peed when he went swimming in the sea and he sometimes peed in the shower, but he didn’t tell Connie that. He’d never been on a big plane before and he was going to go right up in the sky and Connie said that he’d be all the way up above the clouds and when he looked out of the window the clouds would be on the bottom of him and not on the top. Connie said that he’d have to sit on his head in the plane to make the world come the right way up again, but Simon didn’t think that was true, he thought it was another joke, but he packed a cushion to put under his head, just in case. Connie took the cushion back out of his suitcase and told him that he wouldn’t need it, and that he wouldn’t need all of his big cardigans and jumpers and that he wouldn’t need his parka coat. She said that she’d buy him lots of new Spanish clothes, in lovely bright colours, when they got there.
Simon was big excited about going to Spain on the plane and he was big excited about the posh party tonight and he had all this big excitement inside his tummy getting all mixed up so that he didn’t know which excitement was plane and which excitement was party. He farted and his tummy felt a bit better and Connie called him a serdo sucio, which means dirty pig. Simon was a bit sad because when he was younger there were a whole lot of people that he’d like to have said serdo sucio to. But now he only knew people who were always nice to him. He had a brand new thing to say to the horrible people, but the horrible people had all gone. Connie laughed and said that he worried about the strangest things. Then she said, ‘It’s like rain on your wedding day, it’s a free ride when you’ve already paid,’ but Simon didn’t know what she was talking about. He didn’t think he was getting married. So he sat down when he was supposed to be packing and he had a big think about it. Connie told him that he’d have his choice of serdo suckios to choose from that night. Simon was worried then and he hadn’t even finished worrying about not having enough clothes to wear in Spain, yet . Was it going to be a bad party with horrible people? See, maybe with being Spanish, Connie didn’t know what a party was. Simon was good at knowing parties; he’d been to lots of parties. He knew jelly and ice cream and party hats, and balloons that made you spit when you tired to blow them up, but they never went up. Shimon didn’t want to go to no place where Horrible People meant Party in Spanish.
Connie had spent a lot of time telling Simon exactly what she wanted him to do at the party. They had been practising for ages. She made him happy by telling him that they were going to do a kind of play and he was going to be the main actor man. She said that they were going to have a wonderful time and if there were any horrible people there, it didn’t matter, because they’d be together and they’d laugh at the horrible people and make them go away. Simon had never laughed at horrible people but with Connie he could do it in a kind of play, when he was the main actor man, he thought.
Connie laid out his black thirty-six-inch-waist trousers that had to go back to the shop and weren’t a thirty-six-inch-waist trousers anymore, they were a thirty-eight-inch-waist trousers, but they were still black. And she laid out his new blue shirt with silver pin stripes. And she told him to make sure that when he got in the shower he washed all of him and didn’t try to get away with one of his two minute cat licks.
Simon didn’t want a shower. He was going to have a long bath and he was going to put soft bubbles in it. They were peach and when they were in the bottle, they were a kind of orange and pink colour mashed together like ice cream. He was going to use his blue shower gel and his shampoo and conditioner. And then he was going to put aftershave on and his silver chain and his black shoes that were shiny and good for dancing in. Connie would say that he looked good enough to eat and that she was proud of him and then she’d call him cielo.
Simon was ready to go to the party at Four o’clock. He knew that was a long time until half past seven when Connie was coming to pick him up. He said oops and sat very still so that he wouldn’t crease his new shirt and trousers with the thirty eight inch waist.