An Old Mind Game
By squillows
Sat, 17 May 2008
- 1062 reads
6 comments
There’s an old sinking ship
in the mind that – quivers –
where Storms hang – I can see –
the weight immersed in dew –
of leaves – without a rooted tree –
of rain – without a source –
my thought descends to the
bud of a Flower and –
none – remaining – can say
but all can feel the – morning –
within – carefree – then Subsidence
as my seabed and mast collide
the damp flag is Raised – but – I
cannot see through the weave –
new waves wash over the
world and – rhythm is heard –
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Comments
Love those last 2 lines more
Love those last 2 lines more than anything. I'd name a flower instead of saying the word flower. Still, many good points.
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I am a fan of Emily
I am a fan of Emily Dickinson too. The pauses and line breaks make this poem sound almost hesitant, or like someone forgetting, or finding something hard to say. It really slows you down, creates a rhythm of its own and places emphasis on the words and the poem. I wonder if you had considered experimenting with this form some more, and writing some poems with fast (joined) words then these pauses to alternate and slow it down, it could crete quite an interestin affect.
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