Blue Flowers Part 1

A coming of age they call it, the time when the naivety of youth is overtaken by the worldliness of adulthood. This loss of innocence for some passes almost unnoticed a seamless transition from one stage to the next. For others, and I count myself amongst them, it is a milestone hopefully to be remembered with pleasure but unfortunately in my case with pain.

I suppose I was about ten years old and it was the summer holidays. Memory I know does play tricks but every day was hot and sunny. Our parents believed that ours was a safe neighbourhood and had few concerns when we were out. Sometimes even giving us a picnic to take on our adventures. It’s sad that today we are reluctant for our children to do this.

I was the leader of our gang, not because I was the biggest or the toughest but because I had the best imagination. We became cowboys and Indians in the big field at the back of our estate; we were pirates at the paddling pool in the park; we were cops and robbers around the local streets and we were explorers when we found the greenhouse. To us it was not an old crumbling building with rotten wood and broken glass but a palace made from crystal and it held the flowers of knowledge and power. Those flowers were the bluest things I had ever seen, they seemed to hold that blue summer sky within their depths.

I wasn’t looking forward to the conference, a couple of nights away from home in some nondescript hotel with equally nondescript food. The company expected us to go on refresher courses at least twice a year and it was my turn again.

‘Be positive, it might be interesting!’ Ruth, my wife said trying to encourage me.

‘It’ll give me a chance to get the toy boy in.’

We both laughed. We had one of those strange marriages, one that had lasted. We’d met at primary school, were inseparable. Teachers joked that we were made for each other. We eventually drifted apart, had different lives. Then we bumped into each other in the supermarket, and that was it. We’d both had various relationships, none of them satisfactory. A couple of months later we were married, and that was ten years ago. We’d discussed the possibility of children but it hadn’t happened. There was the occasional slight pang, a little feeling of regret but on the whole we were very happy. Happy with each other and in each others’ company and having no secrets, well almost none!

‘Have you packed those sexy pyjamas, just in case?’ Ruth smiled, raising her eyebrows as she did so. We’d laughed after the last conference when I’d told her about Ms Serena Butterick who, for some reason had set her sights on me. I don’t flatter myself, I’m not a ‘hunk’ having women swooning at my feet but on this particular occasion I must have been the only man at the conference who had everything in working order. She made a beeline for me, sat next to me in seminars, during lunch and dinner and even gave me the number of her room. I won’t say I wasn’t flattered or even very slightly tempted but when I thought of Ruth and how much she would be hurt I decided that an early night and a good book was the answer.

It was a whole day’s conference and in order to get the most out of the day we needed to arrive the evening before in time for dinner. The blurb declared get to know your fellow delegates in a friendly and informal atmosphere and then awake refreshed for a full day of seminars. I wonder who writes this nonsense! I’d already looked at the list of participants and thankfully a Ms Butterick was not there. I didn’t bother looking for other names there would be some I knew most I wouldn’t.

We’d been booked into a reasonable hotel and the food was pretty good. My dinner companion was a ‘me’ person, his only interest was himself and all he needed was an audience. Easy I suppose, I switched off and didn’t have to work too hard at conversation. Don’t get me wrong I do like meeting new people and usually can chat as well as anyone but this particular person was hard work. I found my thoughts drifting I looked around the room adding the occasional ‘mm!’ or ‘I see’ when it seemed necessary. Out of the corner of my eye I saw someone on the other side of the room and for a second my heart began to beat faster.

‘What do you think about that?’

I looked back at the man sitting next to me, I am inordinately polite, ‘Sounds good to me,’ I said. Not having a clue what he was talking about. I scanned the room again trying to find that person who’d given me a shock, and had brought memories rushing back, but he had disappeared.

I made the excuse of a headache and a long tiring journey and took myself off to bed, I’m sure nobody missed my company. Any tiredness I’d had disappeared and my mind was full of half- remembered memories, and blue flowers. I put on the television trying to blot out unwelcome thoughts. It didn’t work.

I phoned Ruth.