47 Part 3

All my life, I have been doing work for the church and the Lord. I suppose a certain amount of disgust for human beings informs my Love of the Lord. But now, now that all my support for the church seems to have come to nothing, at least, it seems to me, my human lust and my human animal-ness is taking over. 

Underneath my glasses lies a man who is incredibly frustrated with life. I'm sick and tired of working for the glorification of God. Who is God anyway? Why am I his subject? Why does he not hear my prayer? Why have I not found a home in his heart?

Why do I find doubt now? Is it just because a woman is going to be pastor in my church? Over such a simple thing am I so disturbed?

I don't know. I just feel so tired. It's like I'm trying to build this home on earth and it's constantly being torn down. BUT, it's just that I feel like an animal.

James Lee looked at himself in the mirror. He didn't look anything like an animal. His glasses magnified the size of his eyes. His hair was brushed sideways near the middle. He looked very much like a boring accountant. BUT inside, he felt like he was growling. He did not like something about the world around him, and he had even started drinking frequently. He got on all fours and walked around the bathroom for a while.

-What are you doing?

-I'm just looking for my glasses.

-They are on your face.

-Oh.

-Look I know how the issue of "woman pastor" has drained you the past few weeks, but I think it is exactly what God wants for our church.

-I don't want to talk about this.

-You should really try to open up. 

James Lee started to growl at his wife. At first, she was not sure what he was doing. He sounded like he was brushing his teeth. Maybe it was time to leave him alone. Before she knew it, he seemed to have disappeared.