Alone, Ashamed

I was so ashamed
after all the others had been shot
killed off, disappeared: lost.
I did not know what to do.
I had been underground for so long
eating bits of bread,
rationing.
They had come to look for me, but
they had missed me,
had not heard my tears underneath
the stacks of hay.

I do not know what to do
with all these tears in my heart
that wish to be let out like birds
like streams of water,
to be released, but
i do not even know how to cry.
I don't think I even understand what
i went through.

I just walk, then I run.
I'm just trying to get away,
to find a place where I can rest.
I pray to God whenever I can, but
I don't want anyone to hear me.

I should have been brave
and said something
or died with the others.
I do not know.