First Love 2

YES, they would pull us apart. We were so together and they would pull us completely apart. At first, people love to be around people who are in love... soon, the novelty of love fades. No longer does love fascinate. Love disturbs because the negative forces of reality... hatred, envy, greed, and lust feel threatened.

I think I felt these negative forces when I went to visit her home. She had a picture of Madonna as I remember it. Madonna had a loose shirt hanging around her. She was looking lustily, directly at me, PERHAPS wanting me? My friends had talked about going to first base with a girl which WAS KISSING, second base was touching her breasts and third base was touching her WELL you know and then home was sex. Was I being compelled by the need to find approval in my friends' eyes to desire Beth? But I felt fine just holding hands with her. What I felt with her was really pure? I REALLY ENJOYED BEING WITH...

There were other girls I was attracted to during this time, but they seemed unreachable like the stars. Alexis was smart and extremely cute and I enjoyed making her laugh but I never really desired her either... I think it was easier for me to desire those girls of Hustler with those hungry eyes. It was not like Alexis was going to go out with me anyway. Beth, she was one of those reachable stars, a star dipped in a glass of water.

My friends saw the relationship with Beth as going nowhere. They did not treasure the subjective feelings I had identified with the word "love." Her friends: they found my love notes endearing but I think they were definitely into being cool or popular. She broke up with me. That night, I burned pictures of her in the fireplace. I wanted to forget all traces of immature love.