Impressions of South Korea 1

My first visit to South Korea was in 1993. I was a strange person back then. I had just dropped out of St. John's College in Annapolis Maryland. I had pretended to be a playboy in the hope of attracting girls. I had worn sunglasses almost all the time and named myself, "Amber Mist." I was a rather pathetic person and I suspect that many students at St. John's knew that.

I visited South Korea in the hope of finding myself. I had been so lost...

I stayed at my uncle's condominium. I had a hard time trying to figure out how to prevent the water in the faucet from draining.

My mother and I visited one of the many mountains in Korea. We had to hike up the mountain to reach a treasured spot on top of the mountain. It was a very difficult hike. It was raining profusely. I was drenched. My clothes were stuck on me. I saw one Korean woman carrying a small child, bandaged around her back with a long white cloth. She was moving much more quickly than I was. After about 40 minutes or so of hiking, there was a steep staircase. I was afraid to climb it. We climbed the stairs, one after the other. When we reached the top, there was a woman selling bandanas. To the left of her, there was a small buddhist cave with a small golden sculpture of the buddha way in the back.

I am not quite sure if the buddha was golden... that's how I remember it though. I remember feeling very pleased, almost happy. There was something about buddhism that was very comforting to me. All life was sorrow, taught the buddha. The essence of life was nothingness or Nirvana. I could wash myself in the river of buddhism. All these masks I had been wearing to hide my wounded face could be washed through meditation.

When I first came to America, at the age of 9 in 1981, I could not believe how beautiful Americans were. Women with blue eyes and blonde hair looked especially beautiful, like angels. At this point, I think I worshipped Caucasians. I was so happy to go to school and meet these boys and girls named Sally or David. They all treated me so nicely. It was quite incredible. I couldn't believe how nice Americans were. I literally felt like I had gone to sleep and then woken up in heaven. One day, the teacher asked the students to draw their faces. I looked around to see what the other students were drawing. They were all drawing their faces. I felt self-conscious. I somehow felt that I was ugly and that I shouldn't draw myself as I was. So I copied the drawing of my neighbor. After all, he was a friend of mine. I kept on drawing myself as a Caucasian until my neighbor noticed what I was drawing. I think that he might have been quietly giggling for a while before he made his presence known. He said, "That's not your face!" Then, he took a brown crayon and colored my face brown. The brown smeared the pink and white underneath.

I visited many other buddhist sites during my first visit. There is one statue of the Buddha that is quite daunting. The statue is also in a cave. It is huge. The eyes are partially closed and his two hands are cupped together. The buddha literally means "The Awakened One." He has awakened from Reality (Samsara) by attaining Ultimate Reality (Nirvana). Buddhism states that the causes of sorrow are death, old age, and disease. I washed myself in this message, but my pain never disappeared.

I tried to understand how buddhism affected Koreans. I really couldn't see the relation. Even now I am not quite sure. Perhaps Korean buddhists wash their souls in the river of buddhism too. After all, the culture overwhelms you. There's almost too much going on. It's hard to focus. Of course, I speak of the cities. You need time to know how you are being affected by the barrage of signs, symbols, advertisements, noises, and changes. Also, I'm not quite sure who named Korea, "The Land of the Morning Calm." The Korean temperament can be quite volcanic. Nietzsche once wrote, "Build your house on the hills of Vesuvius." Some Koreans would literally build their houses on Vesuvius, especially since the cities are so overcrowded.