Mother 1

My name is Eunice, and I am an adopted child. I still say child and yet I am an adult. I'm on a plane now. I am going to visit my real or natural mother in South Korea. It took me many years to find her, but now the search is over or rather, it is just beginning. 

For some reason, I feel really calm about seeing my mother. It's funny saying, "Mother." Don't get me wrong, my adoptive mother was a very kind and nurturing person and she tried to understand me as much as she could. But I found myself getting into situations in which I felt like a complete outsider. No matter how comfortable my adoptive mother tried to make me feel at home, the more apparent it became that I was different from my sisters, brother, friends, and enemies. Sometimes they would mercilessly make fun of my slanty eyes, my yellow skin, and my straight black hair. I felt so betrayed. I felt so alone. It wasn't funny to me. Now that I think about it, it didn't hurt that much. After a while, I became numb to it. Besides, there was always one girl who made me feel better about myself. 

My real mother bought me the plane ticket to visit her. It was very kind of her and I dared not refuse. It was first class. She must be wealthy or rather she must have become wealthy. Surely she would not have put me up for adoption if she were wealthy. Anyway, she sounded very worldly on the phone. We only spoke briefly.

I'm having a glass of wine right now so excuse me if I sound a bit flighty. I've left the kids at home with my husband. I just feel so free for the first time in my life. I wonder what my mother is really going to be like? Can she somehow explain why I am the way I am? Why am I so willfully? Why am I so suspicious of people? Why do I feel so alone? Am I really all that different from others?