Another go at disbelief

What is this hell on earth?
This feeling,
This disbelieving feeling,
Of being helpless again,
And this time regressing,
Stepping back into a world of misunderstandings,
Which I have sifted through once before.

Did you even exist in the first place?
Did you slip away to keep me safe?
Did you know you were to go in those final minutes?
Could you feel your heart give up?

Camden that night was your 'agony in the garden',
Where you took some of your last breaths,
Into the cold air,
A million miles from home,
A place you left in confusion,
But with your determined resolutions,
You could have made it there someday.

Instead you were led into temptation,
In the most concentrated of forms,
More than you could handle, it seems.
When your hand reached out and touched what would kill you,
Did you shiver?
Or were your blissfully unaware?
Of how your heart would race, and veins dilate.

How long before the damage was irreversible?
As you took in the poison,
As your head buzzed,
Did you appreciate the starry night above you,
And the ground beneath your feet?
And when you lay down to rest,
Did you take in the warmth around you for the last time?

My lines are so full of questions,
Of which no one can tell me the answers,
Are you happy now?
Did you see what you wanted to see?
Although you never did get into the hundred club,
And I would have liked to have had that pint,
Before you left to travel again.