Healing Journal #1 Notes on Stillness
By StillFoundation
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Notes on stillness
Sometimes my mind toys with itself and when I try to meditate on stillness. I feel I am using stillness as a refuge. My mind will really irritate itself thinking it needs to solve a problem or figure out what I should do for a future. Or it will make plans. Or it will make judgments about thinks I did that I with I could take back.
-But then sometimes clarity pops in - something just shifts without hardly any knowable reason, and then there is a feeling of resolution in the mind. At that point, stillness is not so much a "refuge" as a relief and a feeling of being "one at home."
I think that this point of shift must be a very mysterious pint indeed. What causes these shifts?
I notice that often it involves a shift in belief systems, such as going from "I shouldn't have just sent that text," to "actually, I can't know that I shouldn't have done that," to simply "I am curious."
Other times it seems that this re-calibration happens on a completely sub-conscious level. For example: one time I felt like shit while I was sleeping and actually noticed a moment waking up a few times throughout the night when the feeling just passed one moment.
I also see that really a lot of it has to do with being OK with not knowing and being OK with not always trying to know (which includes being OK with the momentum of the ego being present at times when it is). Moving into "being OK with" whatever is happening from an understanding that it really truly is the place that I actually desired the most all along. And with that, the knowing that that place is really unbreakable.
The 'being state.'
Its a total shift from the usual human way of being but actually the most natural and 'humanly natural' way of being. even existing in harmony with the ego along side and in compliment with out early human desires and plans.
What if we could pick up our ego any time we needed it as a tool to think with, use, and even play with? What if we actually had the clarity to choose consciously when to use it, instead of its compulsive programming using us? Its like a computer program that is running itself but with on one at the wheel any more. Or, as a teacher of mine once said, "its as if we lost our owner's manual." On one hand the mind is suppose to run itself, but simply to do so in transparent way that doesn't take away the being state. -And for many generations that was its apt and useful purpose in evolution on a more 'survival based' level of human experience.
-But we are now in a very special tine in earth's being what we can now consciously partake in our own evolution and shift into something amazing (that we have been all along)!
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