Questions! Commands?

I said to my dharma sister; over the telephone,
“Why don't you have an email account?”

There was a deep silence – I felt her breathing – and, I suspected, bristling.
I know my sister holds strong views regarding email.

I said, “That was a deep silence - I can feel you bristling!”

She said, “Your telling me that I should have an email account is very annoying.
People are always telling me that!”

I said, “But I didn't say you should have an email account.
I asked you why you don't have one.
I asked because truly I am interested in knowing the answer!”

I said to another friend's lover,
as he proudly showed the bargain box of 2 for 1 something-or-other that he had bought,
“So cheap! Why did you not buy a dozen?!”

I was, bravely, teasing him.
Bravely, because he is a prickly person,
and with him I know I need to be mindful of my tendency to tease.

Later, I heard him and my friend
speaking in low voices in the kitchen.
I simply had to listen.
He said, “It was what she said when I came in with the shopping,
I get so angry when people tell me what I should do!”

I shall aspire to stop asking people questions such as
'why don't you?' or 'why did you not?'
It seems as if those questions are easily mistaken for a command.

TJW March 2010