50 ways to leave your lover

For reasons never made clear, Paul Simon's 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover only included five ways to leave your lover, just 10% of the stated amount. Below are the missing 45.

 

1. Clamber into a hot air balloon, Muldoon
2. Move into a motor home, Jerome
3. Get on a train, Wayne
4. Escape in an armoured tank, Frank
5. Drive off in a camper van, Duran Duran
6. Whoosh away by jetski, Lee
7. Get into a canoe, Lew
8. Walk off in the rear end of a pantomime cow, Chairman Mao
9. Ride off on a gnu, Hugh
10. Dissipate via rollerskate, Kate
11. Dig a tunnel to freedom, Bert Weedon
12. Let a billionaire whisk you away in his yacht, Charlotte
13. Just run away, Fay
14. Hitch a ride, Clyde
15. Pretend you're an egg and just whisk yourself away, May
16. Make like a swallow and migrate, Kate
17. Sail away in a sieve, Viv
18. Sneak away under the pretext of attending a conference in Gaule, Paul
19. Leave by submarine, Jean
20. Make your excuses and leave, Steve
21. Scarper, Harper
22. Fake your own murder and leave evidence implicating your other half, Mr Giraffe
23. Build a glider out of used toilet roll, Doll
24. Conceal yourself among a herd of migrating bison, Tyson
25. Stow away aboard a Japanese whaling ship, Pip
26. Take a tug boat down the canal, Al
27. Run for the hills, Nils
28. Charter a motorised sailing vessel, Cecil
29. Fly away on a magic Arabian rug, Doug
30. Rend away by bike, Mike
31. Spend years creating the illusion that you have an identical twin then simply change places with him, Kim
32. Pretent you've been diagnosed with a rare disease which requires you to move to Timbuktu, Pugh
33. Exit pursued by a bear, Claire
34. Get swept away by the tide, Clyde
35. Hide yourself behind a curtain until you get a chance to slip away, Teressier
36. Exit pursued by a goose, Bruce
37. Exit pursued by a yak, Mac
38. Wrap yourself in brown paper and post yourself to a friend in Swindon, Donald Sindon
39. Don an invisibility cloak, Mini the Moke
40. Put on a Shawaddywaddy CD and just dance away, Jay
41. Use the fire escape, Snape
42. Devise a complicated lever system to propel you out of the door, Theodore
43. Make use of Shanks' pony, Tony
44. Fly away on your hoverboard, Maude
45. Just fuck off, Boff