David Wainwright’s Feet

David Wainwright’s Feet were enormous. His right foot was a size 16, his left a size 15. As a result, buying shoes was always difficult for him, but when he joined the army it became impossible. He was forced to cram his feet into shoes far too small for him, badly-made, stiff and rigid.  

He tried wrapping his feet in blankets instead of shoes, but in the mud and gore of the trenches this just made his feet fester further. As a result, Wainwright’s feet became a petri dish for every foot-fungus, blister and toenail-mould, and the stench arising from them was beyond words.

And we had to share a bunker with him, and his feet.  Even in the blood, excrement and gore of the trenches, David Wainwright’s feet smelled deplorable. Several of our unit became ill as a direct result of the fumes from his feet, and two of them had to be sent home with lung damage.

The camp Medic, Dr Alpen, tried his best to fix David Wainwright’s various foot-related diseases, but he was beyond help. No amount of washing could remove the smell, not that there was opportunity to wash any part of your body with any regularity.

Dr Alpen recommended that Wainwright be sent home with trenchfoot, not just for his own health but for the health of the whole unit. However, Major Jobs-Jones, who was in charge of the unit, refused to send any soldier home for such a trivial reason as smelly feet, no matter how many lives were at risk as a result.

A compromise was reached. Dr Alpen ordered a breathing apparatus for the rest of the unit, to help us survive the dangerous gases given off by Wainwright’s feet. As a result, a shipment of gasmasks was provided and gratefully donned by the tommies.

Which is why, a few weeks later, when the Germans launched the first mustard gas attacks on our trenches, not a single one of us was harmed, as we all had gas masks at the ready.

In other words, David Wainwright’s feet saved our lives. And not just our lives – by forcing the army to design and manufacture gas masks for our unit, the army had a go-to source to roll out mass production of the masks, thus saving thousands of lives across the whole British army.