A hundred moments in autism - The Whale Café lunch queue

Cherry

By Terrence Oblong

Wed, 07 Aug 2024
  • 224 reads
5 comments
 

I am standing in the lunch queue at the Whale Café (just the name of the café, I am not a whale).

I realise I am standing slightly oddly, with my left hand clutching my right arm and my right foot standing on tiptoe, for no reason.

I correct myself to a ‘normal’ position – arms by my sides in a relaxed manner and feet firmly on the ground.  I look around, furtively, hoping nobody has noticed.

Such self-reviews and adjustments are a constant element of my life, part of the 24-7-365-lifetime method acting role that is trying to appear ‘normal’ when you’re an autist.

This need to appear normal and stamp out my autistic behaviours and oddities were bullied into me at a young age, long before it dawned on anyone that I could be autistic. I was called out constantly for looking odd, and self-preservation taught me to iron out my oddities. 

These days this type of adjustment is known as ‘masking’, when I was younger it was simply 'trying not to get beaten up'.

 

Certificate 15
Non-fiction
50 moments in autism
Autobiography

Comments

Submitted by Di_Hard on

It is nice to read about someone else doing these things :0)

 

Submitted by Terrence Oblong on

Thanks Di

 

Submitted by celticman on

masking is a natural part of growing up, but obviously some are more skilled than others. 

 

Submitted by HarryC on

There's an idea that the reason that men are more likely to be diagnosed with autism than women is that women are much better at masking.  Interestingly, women are more likely than men to be diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder.  While there are some distinctions with the conditions, there are huge numbers of crossovers.  And I do know people who've had a diagnosis of BPD first, which has been later re-diagnosed as autism.  I was myself.  It does make me wonder if there are still an awful lot of people out there wandering around with a misdiagnosed mental health disorder (when autism is at the root) and getting worse and worse because none of the mental health therapies works for them.

Submitted by HarryC on

I often stand like that, too.  Perhaps I'm just waiting for someone to challenge me on my stance!