Kit Handsome and the Santa Claus Chaos 1

It was Christmas Eve and Inspector Kit Handsome arrived at work to find desk sergeant Megson hanging tinsel around Boonhill Police Station. 

“Morning Megson.  Quiet night?” 

“Morning Kit.  Yes, nothing in, just putting up the decorations.” 

“Where’s Harkaway?” said Kit. “Their car’s not outside.” 

“Oh, they’ve gone to Subplot.” 

“Subplot, Boonhill’s biggest department store, what are they doing there?” 

“Some last-minute Christmas shopping.  I like your Christmas jumper, Kit, Sally getting you into the Christmas spirit, is she?” 

“Yes, it’s our first Christmas together, and she says if I must work Christmas Eve I should at least wear something Christmassy.” 

“Are those little ferrets in Santa hats?” 

“No, they’re stoats. You see the jumper says ...” 

Kit was interrupted by the arrival of Ulf, the Boonhill postman.” 

“Morning Kit,” said Ulf. “Morning Megson. I have mail for you.” 

He passed the letter to Kit, but Megson snatched it from him. 

“I’d better open that,” he said. “Kit’s not trained.” 

“You need training to open a letter?” said Ulf. 

“You need to training to open a letter safely,” Megson explained. “This is a police station, we get death threats and everything, I’m trained to inspect the post for possible letter bombs and the like.” 

“There’s no bomb in that,” said Ulf, a little offended. “It’s a Christmas card. It’s from me – I couldn’t help noticing that you haven’t had any Christmas cards in your post, so I though, I will send them one. I don’t want the police to feel lonely and neglected at Christmas.” 

“That’s very kind,” said Kit. 

“It’s all about the spirit of Christmas, like your jumper. I’m pleased to see that Sally’s got you dressing festively.  Are those weasels in little santa hats?” 

“No, they’re stoats. It’s why the jumper says ...” 

“I’ve safely opened the post, Kit,” Megson interrupted. “It is a card, but it doesn’t look very Christmassy. It’s a picture of a Viking riding an eight-legged horse.” 

“Look inside,” said Ulf. 

Megson opened the card and read. “It says ‘Happy Yuletide, love from Ulf’,” said Megson. 

“You see. People don’t realise that Yule is the Viking winter solstice festival.” 

“And the Viking on the eight-legged horse?” said Kit. “What’s the significance of that?” 

"On winter Solstice every year, Odin rides across the skies on his eight-legged horse, Sleipnir, leading gods, ancestors and beasts in a battle against evil forces. We call this the ‘Wild Ride’.” 

“I see,” said Kit, “That’s very Christmassy, thank you.” 

“The Viking Christmas tale was interrupted by the arrival of a mob of elves, all dressed in green tunics, black stockings, clogs and with big, pointy ears. 

“It’s not fair,” shouted one. 

“Don’t shelve the elf,” screamed another. 

“Elves have rights too,” bawled a third. 

“What’s going on?” said Kit. “What are you all shouting about? This is a police station, are you hear to report a crime? And don’t all answer at once.” 

One of the elves shushed the rest before speaking. 

“We are the elves from Santa’s workshop,” he said.  

“And what do you want with the Boonhill police?” 

“We want you to arrest Santa.”