Statler and Thatcher (deceased) - the nurses' strike

Sir Keith Statler, newly-elected leader of the Labour Party, is keen to re-shape socialism for the 21^st century, but none of the policy wonks in his party share his vision. Luckily, he has a secret policy advisor that nobody else can see or hear: the ghost of Margaret Thatcher.

Sir Keith arrived at his office to find that his official Policy Advisor, Jeff Feckland already, at his desk.

“Ah, Sir Keith,” he said, “You’ve heard about the new PM’s plans to slash nurses pay by 20%? I’ve sent you a summary, I can’t imagine a more unpopular policy, there’s already a massive shortfall of nurses, a pay cut like this would devastate the NHS. I’ve just spoken to the nurses union, and they’re planning to go on strike.  This is a real opportunity to back the nurses and condemn the government.”

“I suppose,” Sir Keith said. At that moment, Lady Thatcher chose to appear, though of course she could only be seen by Sir Keith, with whom she showed a special attachment.

“Back the unions!” Maggie proclaimed, aghast. “”Their greed and selfishness will be the very end of this country.”

“Nurses are very popular,” Sir Keith replied to Maggie, though of course Feckland thought he was talking to him.

“I’ll say they are. People will never forget their selfless response to the COVID crisis, and in response they’ve had twelve years of real-terms pay cuts.”

“These militant union fiends are willing to put lives at risk to fill their pockets,” said Lady Thatcher. Sir Keith repeated the concern to Feckland.

“Well hardly, emergency care will be unaffected, the strike will be carefully targeted at non-emergency services, non-urgent surgery, etc.”

“It may not be urgent to you,” replied Lady Thatcher, “but what about the poor old pensioner who’s been waiting six years for a hip replacement only to find her operation cancelled because of union thugs.”

Sir Keith outlined these concerns to Feckland.

“When Labour left office the waiting list for hip replacements was one-to-two months, not six years. You should be attacking the government for the crisis, not blaming the nurses.”

“I’m sick of moaning minnies,” said the ghost of Lady Thatcher, always attacking never offering anything constructive.”

Sir Keith agreed. “We don’t want to be seen as moaning minnies,” he said.

“But the cuts, Sir Keith, you can’t seriously be suggesting that we support a 20% cut to nurses wages?”

“There is no magic money tree,” said Lady Thatcher.

“There is no magic money tree,” said Sir Keith.

“Are you sure you want to pursue this line, Sir Keith? It could be electoral suicide, the unions will withdraw their funding from the Party and the press will have a field day with the ‘workers party’ attacking the workers.”

“The lady’s not for turning,” said the ghost of Lady Thatcher.

“Well, Sir Keith, what’s your decision?” said Feckland.

“Well, Sir Keith, what’s your decision?” said Thatcher.

“Er, um,” he stuttered, “This laddie’s not for turning.”