Undercover Agent 4

It took several months, but eventually the information I’d extracted led to Standfast’s arrest and the wrapping up of many of his ongoing scams.  I wasn’t needed in court, a few of his gang were caught with drugs or stolen goods and elected to grass, so there was no need to stick a parrot in the witness box.

Standfast was my first success, after that Denton managed to place me inside every criminal gang in the area. I’d stay for a few months, learn everything there was to know about their operations, after which I’d be extracted, with a parrot look-a-like left in my place.

Between gigs I was kept in Denton’s office.  I was his poster parrot, a living, squawking reminder of the criminals he’d locked up.  I was met with regular affection, and of course that seed cake.  Even now, in my new life, when money really is no object, I’ve never found a seed cake to compare.  It’s the one thing I miss.

I had visions of training up a new generation of undercover parrots and retiring at my peak, all the seed cake I could eat, but it wasn’t to be.

At night a sheet would be draped over me. “So you don’t scare the cleaners Polly,” though I think Denton just wanted to make sure I had a good night’s sleep.  Ever since he complained about my snoring that one time I fell asleep during work hours.

It was in such be-sheeted state that the conversation happened.

It was the middle of the night. I was all alone, it was dark, it was silent. Perfect sleep time, or perfect thinking time, if you’re like me. I don’t need a lot of sleep, and my imagination is unusually expansive.

Only I wasn’t alone. I could hear footsteps and breathing, two sets of footsteps, two lots of breathing. I could write an entire article on the sound of human breath, but I’ll leave that for another time. I recognized Denton, of course, nobody made a noise quite like Denton’s, his squeak-shoe tiptoe, his air-suction breaths, never seeming to breath out, as if the air just eased out through his pores.  I imagine that married couples recognise each other’s noises in much the same way, familiar, and just occasionally annoying.

Denton switched on the light, and opened the drawer where he kept his whisky.  There was a clink of glasses.

“I said never to meet here,” Denon said. “If anyone should see you here, after midnight, well, it wouldn’t look good.”

“I need to see those files,” a different voice. One I reconised. “Besides, who is there to see us. The night shift don’t come to this part of the building, I know, I helped write the energy-efficiency policy that covers this station.”

“I can’t get involved in blackmail,” Denton said.

“You are involved.  You’re up to your neck in it same as the rest of us.  You’ve done a good job, clearing the path for us, all of our rivals conveniently locked away.”

I have perfect image-recall, as I’ve explained, I can recognise any face I’ve seen, even briefly months previously. I can do the same with voices.  I guess as a repeater-parrot I’m hot-wired to listen to every aspect of articulation, ready to repeat it. (My vocal chords are the only thing stopping me from repeating every word in the exact accent and tone it was spoken – alas whatever voice I try to mimic it always comes out as the same squark).

So I recognized at once who Denton was talking to. He’d been to see Standfast on a number of occasions. He was a councilor, a corrupt councilor, every time I saw him he had his hand spread wide awaiting a bribe. Cllr. Owen Passford, a big name on the planning committee.

I heard Denton open up his computer and key in the password.

“Bussman,” Passford said. “Hilary Bussman.”

“I know,” said Denton. So did I. He was another one of Standfast’s regular visitors. A cop. On the drugs squad. I’d assumed that he would be picked up as part of the investigation, but I was a naïve young parrot in those days.

“There, this is what I was after.  How the hell is he still in the force if you have all this against him?”

“Officially he was acting under cover. All nonsense, of course, but he’s very useful.”

“If we’re going to take over Standfast’s networks we need Bussman on board. That’s why I need you, you can tell him you’re launching a new investigation. He knows there’s enough in the files to finish him, we simply take over Standfast’s role. 

“Right, I’ll print this off.  I’ll need you there.”

“I shouldn’t be there. I need to be anonymous.”

“You’re not anonymous. I’ll let you know date, time, place.”

They left together. Denton switched off the lights and I listened to

I was alone. Alone, with a lot to think about.