Some Kind of Philosophy

I’ve always needed someone to help me through all this: too bad I’ve never had anyone. Oh I’ve had someone, people here and there, but not really. So I say it again: I’ve never had anyone. I’ve been so withdrawn, it seems, but yet again, not really, that no one noticed. Hell, I didn’t even notice – go figure that one you fools! But today, with all the clarity of a clear piss, I notice. Today, in all this solitude, the solitude that has always really been there (but not really) in spite of everything, I notice. All is lucid: how I got here; how I became this; how my family, and its leader, make me; how connected I am to these things I cannot control; how, in society, these form a big part of me; how, in spite of this, I am also something else; how, by transcending and starting again, I can take hold of myself; how I have always been responsible in how I react to things and how all of this has been happening always, but I have not been able to see it before. I am myself in the world, such things merely enable me to be. Like a builder, who in the midst of his craft, becomes his tools, I am me. He mustn’t think of his hammer as a separate thing lest he pummels his thumb, and we must heed this! By doing so we – I mean I – will be able to interact with the world again, and now no one will be someone again... I think.