Bridge, The

Lisa stood on the bridge like she had so often, looking down to the
black water. It was soothing, relaxing. She could clear her head and
think of nothing but the water underneath the bridge. She listened to
the soft sound of the waves hitting the pillars. It was a familiar
sound. She had spent long hours here, not caring if it was raining,
snowing, not caring if it was 2 o'clock in the morning. This was the
place where she came when she needed to be alone.

She came here after her miscarriage. The doctor called it a missed
abortion, but she refused to use that term. She did not have an
abortion, she had wanted this baby! Just because it happened within the
first 13 weeks did not mean it was anything less than a miscarriage.
She grieved just the same. "You're still young, you can try again," the
doctor said. She could hear in his voice that he had used that line
dozens of times. She did not want to try again, she had wanted this
baby! Nobody could console her.

She went to the bridge with no clear plan of what she intended to do.
It seemed like the right thing to do. To do what, she wasn't sure. She
stood on the bridge for hours, her tears falling down into the water,
together with the rain. In the end, she threw the little white baby
shoes she had bought into the river. She cried so hard that she did not
even see them go down. Then she went home.

After that day she came back to her bridge regularly. Her baby had
died too early, there was no grave to tend, nowhere to put flowers. The
bridge provided her with a place to grieve. She had a favourite spot
where she always stood, half-way across the bridge, facing east. On
more than one occasion she saw the sun rise, and it always filled her
with a feeling of gratitude to be able to witness such beauty.

She had miscarried ten years ago. She had not conceived again, a fact
that had caused tension and pressure to her marriage at first and ended
in a divorce a year ago when both she and Graham realised that they
could not stand the sight of each other anymore. Graham had never said
it in so many words but she knew that he regarded her as a failure for
being unable to have a baby. She came to the bridge on the day the
divorce papers came through. It was one of the beautiful occasions
where she saw the sky turn bright in the east, and when the sun came up
she was grateful that she was still around to see it.

Lisa stood on the bridge like she'd done so often, looking down onto
the black water. It was soothing, relaxing. Unlike previous times she
had no particular reason to be here. Unlike previous times she had no
interest to wait until the sun came up. She did not want to see its
beauty; it would not be bright enough to shine through the dark clouds
in her mind. The thought of seeing it and not being able to appreciate
it was breaking her heart. She did not want it to end like this.

She leant over the railing and looked straight down. She tried to
imagine what it would feel like when her body hit the water. She
briefly wondered if she would feel it at all. She still had a couple of
hours before sunrise. She had not written a letter because there was
nobody to write a letter to. Graham had a new wife, and Lisa had heard
that she was pregnant.

Unlike previous occasions she was not crying. Her decision felt
rational to her, she was calm and at ease. She stood motionlessly
looking at the black river.

"Mind if I join you?" She had not seen the man approach and the voice
next to her startled her. Looking at him she thought of various answers
to his question. Eventually she shook her head and looked back into the
water. "Good," he said. He stood next to her with his arms folded on
the railing, exactly like her and looked down. "This is my favourite
spot on the bridge," he said.

Lisa did not answer but he did not seem to notice. "I like to see the
sunrise," he said. "It is so beautiful that it makes me forget
everything else. I'm a bit early today, but I've got things to think
about. Is that why you came here, to see the sunrise?" "No," Lisa said.
She wished he would go. "Did you come here to think?" he asked. "I came
here for some peace and quiet," Lisa said and it came out harsher that
she had intended.

"I'm sorry," he said and Lisa could hear that he meant it. "I didn't
want to bother you. I can't get anything right. Do you want me to go?"
Lisa thought about it for a moment. "No," she said eventually. She
wasn't sure why she had said that. They stood in silence. Lisa wondered
what he would do when she jumped off the bridge.

"Do you mind if I say something else? I normally talk to myself when I
come here," he said after a while. Lisa did not answer. She did mind,
but did not know how to tell him that without being rude. He did not
look at her. "The sunrise is particularly beautiful at this time of
year," he said. Somehow she had an idea that this was not what he had
wanted to say. He had a New Zealand accent and she liked it. It sounded
laid back and relaxing, yet his voice was sad. She wondered what he had
wanted to say.

Lisa gazed down into the black water. It looked inviting. The thought
of ending her life in the river that had absorbed so many of her tears
relaxed her. It was the right decision, she was sure of it. What else
was there to do?

"Can I ask you something?" he asked. Lisa suppressed an irritated sigh
and did not answer. He continued nevertheless. "You can tell me to mind
my own business, of course, but ... what are you doing here?" "Mind
your own business," Lisa said. He nodded as if he had expected that
answer. "You were going to jump, weren't you?" he asked.

"Of course not, what an outrageous thing to suggest," Lisa said and
was surprised to find herself honestly annoyed. Of course she was going
to jump. That had been her intention all along, and it still was, if
only this nosy parker, this...

"Bradley," he said as if he had read her mind. "I'm Bradley. What's
your name?"

"It's Lisa," she said before she had a chance to think about it. It
didn't matter anyway. It took her a few seconds to spot the hand he
held out to her. "Nice to meet you, Lisa," he said. After a moment's
consideration she shook his hand. This was totally ridiculous. She was
shaking hands with a total stranger on her bridge, and in a few minutes
she was going to end her miserable life.

He held her hand a little longer than he had to and she looked up.
Embarrassed, he let go. They turned away from each other again.

Lisa began to wonder what Bradley was actually doing here. He seemed
nice enough, but for all she knew he could be a rapist and serial
killer. She dismissed the thought and scolded herself for being so
silly. He was just someone who liked standing on a bridge looking at
the water and waiting for the sunrise, nothing more, although that
could be construed as a little peculiar. She realised that this was
exactly what she was doing and couldn't suppress a smile. It felt good.
She decided to ask him.

"So - you say you come here often?" she asked, and immediately felt
stupid, like she was trying to chat him up. She blushed. "Yes, I've
spent quite a lot of time here recently," he said. "A lot of things
have gone wrong for me, and it's difficult to think at home - too many
memories. I come here to clear my head."

Lisa nodded. She understood perfectly. For no apparent reason she was
feeling a little scared. Bradley seemed a lot like her. Why was he
there? Suddenly she struggled to think of something to say.

"You see," Bradley continued, "I think today I came here for the same
reason you did - to jump." Lisa felt her heart miss a beat. Before she
could say anything Bradley had pushed himself up and sat on the
railing. She panicked. He looked very distressed and Lisa wanted to
grab him, sure that he would jump any second. Instead she carefully put
her hand on his arm, not wanting to startle him.

It was too late. Lisa was still frantically thinking of something
comforting to say to him when he let go off the railing and fell
forwards. She tried to get hold of his arm but she could not get a firm
grip. Horrified she watched his body fall, wanting to scream but being
unable to make a sound.

Lisa's thoughts were racing. She looked around but there was no one
else on the bridge. "Help," she whispered and found that she could not
raise her voice. With shaking fingers she pulled her mobile phone out
of her handbag and dialled 999. She had to clear her throat twice
before she could speak. "A man just jumped off Battersea Bridge," she
told the operator. Only when she said those words did she understand
what she had just witnessed, and she burst into tears.

When the emergency services arrived they found Lisa sitting on the
pavement leaning against the railing weeping uncontrollably, the mobile
phone still in her hand. The paramedics helped her up and wrapped a
blanket around her, then led her to the ambulance. She stopped crying
when they gave her some drugs to calm her down, but the image of
Bradley's body falling off the bridge stayed in her memory for a long
time.

Lisa never went back to her bridge.