Remembering Love

Remembering Love (Autumn Storm)

Katherine kicked the leaves up high, enjoying the rustling noise they
made and the variety of colors she saw as they bounced up in front of
her. The heels of her boots slammed down hard on the solid ground as
she walked faster than usual and with more determination. She had taken
a scarf with her for the first time this autumn but she carried it in
her hand, one end almost dragging on the ground. She could just see the
rising sun as it peered through the tree limbs and remaining leaves.
Had she not been preoccupied with other thoughts, Katherine would have
noticed the beginning of a beautiful day.

She came to the bench she passed every day on her morning walk, but
instead of walking straight past it like she normally did, she sat
down. Ben ran up to her and stopped, looking confused. He barked and
absentmindedly she stroked his head. She had taken Ben for a walk
almost every morning in the last three years - two years and ten
months, give or take a few days. When Richard had been in hospital she
had taken Ben to her sister because she could not give him the
attention he needed. Those three weeks had been awful, and not only
because she had been worried about Richard. It had been just a scare
but a timely reminder for him to take it easy and look after himself
more. She had suggested at the time that it might be good exercise for
him if he took Ben for his morning walks, but had been almost relieved
when he declined. After all, Ben's walk was part of her daily routine
and she enjoyed it.

Ben barked again and wagged his tail, asking if she was all right.
"I'm fine, baby," she said and got up. Ben, apparently relieved that
the morning walk could continue, ran ahead and Katherine
followed.

She had been married to Richard for eighteen years. Some of them had
been happy, some of them had been unremarkable. Most of them had been
routine. Katherine could not have children, a fact that neither she nor
Richard seemed particularly worried about. When Katherine learned that
she would never be a mother she accepted it with a stoical composure
that only those who never really intended to have children can find.
Richard of course showed no emotion, and only Katherine knew of his
deep pain over the disappointment of never being a father. They filled
their lives with work, social activities and a growing passion for
dogs. Ben was their fourth.

Katherine let herself back into the house. Ben ran past her and
disappeared into the garden through the open back door. It was getting
colder and the autumn air, which had a habit of creeping under her
coat, made her shiver. She closed the back door and proceeded to stand
looking out the window watching Ben. She had everything she could ever
wish for: A loving husband, a nice home. A part time job which she did
not depend upon for the money so she felt at liberty to treat it as a
hobby rather than work. A large group of friends she regularly met for
mid-morning coffee or afternoon tea. Ben.

She had not recognized his voice at first when he rang. It had been at
least fifteen years since she had heard from him. Well, that was not
exactly true. She had read his name in the paper only a week before he
phoned, and the way her heart had started to beat faster and her
breathing had accelerated had surprised her. There was no doubt that it
was him, if there was another man by that name there certainly was no
other famous architect from Manchester. Alexander James, she read, was
in town for a meeting with the mayor to discuss the development of the
town hall. The prestigious firm of architects, of which Mr. James was a
senior partner, had been awarded the contract to redesign the civic
center along side the mayor's offices. Katherine skipped the details.
She noticed that her hands were shaking as she poured herself a cup of
tea.

Fifteen years. She probably had not even thought of Alexander in ten.
To think that once he had meant the world to her, and now it took more
than a decade to even remember his name. He had been the only one to
ever call her Kat - to everyone else she was Kath, or Kathy, to Richard
she had never been anything but Katherine, just like he had always been
Richard to her - so even when his voice did not sound familiar she had
known it was him. There had been a pause after his initial request to
speak to Kat Dunstan, and even though that had not been her name for
eighteen years and he knew it, she had still answered with a
businesslike, "This is she," after clearing her throat. There had been
no need for him to say his name so he inquired after her health
instead. Katherine had needed to sit down because suddenly her legs
were shaking, but she managed to answer his questions calmly and ask a
few of her own. She learned that he was in town for a fortnight and
prepared herself for the inevitable question.

She never mentioned the telephone call to Richard. There had been no
need, she was meeting an old friend from out of town whom she had not
seen for many years. It could have been Joan or Donna, and Richard had
never been interested in whom she was having coffee with anyway. They
had arranged to meet in a caf?. April had given her a quizzical look
when she relayed the conversation to her and Katherine had returned it
openly, in a way that only sisters could. They had no secrets. Although
she was outwardly composed, April knew how excited her sister was about
the meeting and had only squeezed her hand.

Reluctantly Katherine tore herself away from the window. She checked
her watch and decided she had time for a quick cup of tea before she
left. Alexander had hated tea. Funny how that memory suddenly came back
to her. Alexander had always been a coffee person, all sorts of fancy
types of coffee if he had money to go out but more often than not just
the weak brew in a plastic cup from the machine in the student lounge.
Katherine stirred milk into her tea and smiled. One of the first things
she had noticed about Richard was that he despised coffee.

She wondered if Alexander had changed. Then, with a quickening of her
heartbeat she realized that she had probably changed just as much.
Fifteen years were a long time. She got up and stood in front of the
mirror in the hall to critically examine herself. Her hair was shorter
now but the few gray strands she had found a few years back had been
carefully concealed. Some fine lines around the eyes and at the corners
of her mouth. She liked to smile and laugh and wasn't ashamed that her
face showed it. Alexander had liked her smile. He had traced his finger
over her face when she smiled and promised her forever. Katherine
touched her lips as if to remember, then she checked her watch again.
It was time to go.

Ben came tearing back into the house when she opened the back door and
Katherine struggled to stop him from leaving with her. She heard his
disappointed bark when she got into her car. On the way she found that
her hands were shaking and a quick look into the mirror assured her
that her cheeks were just as red as they felt. She pulled over and
stopped the engine. What was she doing? What was she thinking, meeting
the man she had been in love with so many years ago, almost in another
lifetime? But that was precisely the point, wasn't it - it had been
many years ago, she was married now, happily married. It occurred to
her that Alexander was probably married too. She scolded herself for
her immature emotions and used the back of her cold hands to cool down
her face.

She drove past the caf? looking for a parking space and managed a
quick look inside. Alexander was not there, or if he was she did not
recognize him. Maybe he would not come. Katherine found something that
resembled relief as well as disappointment in that thought. She did not
want to be found waiting for him so instead of heading straight for the
caf? she waited in the car until she was ten minutes late even though
she had of course been on time when she got there. Eventually she got
out of the car. Maybe he would not recognize her.

He did. As she entered the caf? he stood up and she recognized him
too. He looked good. He had not changed at all.

"Kat," he said as he kissed her cheek and his voice sounded strangely
pressed. Katherine found she could not speak at all. They sat down.
"You look terrific," he said and squeezed her hand. "You too," she
managed. Her smile was shaky.

"So, how have you been?" Alexander asked while they were waiting for
their coffees. Katherine had noticed with a smile that Alexander had
ordered something exotic with a twist while she had gone for a simple
Cappuccino. She looked at him. When she told him he looked good she had
not needed to lie. He had aged fifteen years but his eyes were still
the same. Those eyes she had fallen in love with, warm and caring,
always laughing and regarding her with a respect for who she was that
she had never encountered since. She looked at his eyes and saw the man
she had loved all those years ago.

He was so very different from Richard. She had loved Alexander's
spontaneity and Richard's dependability, Alexander for wearing denim
shirts under business suits and Richard for the fact that he would not
be seen dead dressed like that. She had loved Alexander for promising
her forever and Richard for giving it to her. Alexander returned her
look and knew that she had made the right choice.

She told him about Richard, about April and her husband, about their
house, their dogs, their jobs. He told her about his ex-wife and their
messy divorce, about his children, his job. They ordered another
coffee. At some point during their conversation Alexander put his hand
on Katherine's and they were both completely comfortable with that
gesture.

"It was wonderful to see you again," Katherine said as she got up.
Alexander hugged her and without hesitation kissed her on the cheek.
"You too," he said. "I'll be in town again in a few weeks, maybe we
could meet for a coffee again?"

"I'd like that very much," Katherine said. "Come for dinner one night.
Richard and I would love to have you."

Alexander squeezed her hand lightly and Katherine turned to leave. He
stopped her. "Why did we not keep in touch?" he asked. She studied his
face, those eyes she had loved, his hand that was still holding hers.
"I guess we were afraid," she said. Alexander considered her answer for
a moment, then he nodded.

"Well I'm glad we got over it," he said and then simply added, "I
missed you."

There was no need for Katherine to answer. She turned and walked away
knowing that this time it would not be fifteen years until she would
see Alexander again.